When You're Gone

...when you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it ok

I miss you...

Today, I will not speak to you about what you should do, but about how I feel. There are couples whose love burns as a star at the outset of a relationship, but whose relationship quickly descends into a strange war. Am I being vague? She saw him at an entertainment spot, he made the first move. They quickly bonded, their love was unmatched. He found himself doing things he had never done for another woman. She found herself giving into this man like she had given herself to no other.

For a while, their love prospered, and their passion for one another blazed like a fiendish fire. But then there  are these little things he always did that nagged her and though she loved him, she wanted him to change. He loved her deeply, but she made a friend, and this friend became too close for the comfort of her boyfriend. Slowly they began to argue, fights began. Subsequently, they broke up. Days later, they made up. It happened again and again, each time the tear in their relationship became bigger until finally they were both too exhausted to care anymore.

A year later, he gets drunk and calls her. She picks up and they talk. She misses him, even though she is afraid to admit it. He misses her even more, but he will not tell her. Why? Well, she misses him but how will she know if he has changed? How will she know if he won't hurt her again as he did before? He wants her desperately, more than anything else in his life. He wants to tell her that he misses her and that even though he has met dozens of damsels with enchanting beauty none of them is like her. He wants more than anything to hold her in his arms, brush her hair, hold her head back, stare into her eyes and kiss her full in the lips like he hasn't kissed her before. 

He won't do this, he will never do this, not even if she begs, not while she still has that close male friend whom her boyfriend feels he left her for. This is what he says to himself, even though deep down he knows it not to be true.

He loved her like diamonds and gold, he put nothing before her. They were always together, the envy of their peers. They went together like thunder and lightning. He loved her and she loved him, but none of them admitted to this at first. Their relationship bloomed. They bonded greatly. She threw him hints, small hints at first, but he didn't notice so she escalated her attacks upon his heart. She tried big hints, he did not get it. Desiring his love, she began to do things like to tickle him with her big toe whenever they were together. She laughed whenever he spoke, even when what he said wasn't funny. She would smile like an angel at him every morning. But he loved her too much, he did not believe that an angel such as her could love him back and so he dismissed all this as just games that she played upon his conscience.

She withdrew from him, his love for her overtook him and he courted her day and night moving the sun and the moon to bring heaven at her feet. Delighted by the new power she suddenly held over this man she continued to resist him, he went even further, above and beyond the limits of what even he believed he could do. Both amused and excited by the eccentricities that his passion revealed, she provoked him, goaded him for more. But by now he believed that the battle was lost. He too withdrew.

Disarmed by his hurt pride, she sent her friend to inquire about him. A friend whom she unconditionally trusted, unwittingly orchestrating the demise of the very thing she was trying to salvage. Her friend was charming and cunning, she motivated him and reassured him that he was indeed loved and treasured by the very woman he desired. Encouraged, he tried to court the lady again - again he was rebuffed; the friend intervened, reassuring him that all was not lost and that maybe there was a glimmer of hope. The cycle continued with the man always trying to impress the lady he desired and the lady rebuffing him and sending her friend to make excuses for her whenever she offended him.

Irritated by the fact that she would not humble herself to apologize to him whenever she accidentally hurt him - instead sending her friend to do it for her - he decides to stop his attempt at romances and decides to focus on his own life. Sadly he never understood that she loved him, and she rebuffed him only because she was afraid to gain his love only to someday lose it through a mysterious circumstance.

She misses him, but she will not admit this for she fears what it may mean if she were to admit this. Will he become proud? Will he boast? Will he tell the world that in the end it was he who won and she was wrong for what she did? He misses her too. He wishes that he could tell her, that though the years have passed and he has met many more sublime women, she is still the object of his desire. He wants so much to embrace her and spin her like a child and to devote himself to making her happy - but if she does not humble herself to admit that she misses him, that she cares for him just as much as he cares for her, then he will never return to her. His myopic illusion conceals from him one crucial fact - that she may never have cared for him as much as he cared for her. After all, the one who says "I love you" first, is the one who cares more.

If like me, you've been there where I was then - take heart. All things work together for good. If it was meant to be, it will be.

So why does your pride make you run and hide?

Are you that afraid of me?

But I know its a lie what you keep inside

This is not how you want it to be....

Winning in Love

"Why does love always feel like ...

a battlefield (battlefield)

a battlefield (battlefield)

a battlefield (battlefield)

I guess you better go and get your armor..."

- Battlefield By Jordin Sparks

Why does the bad boy get the girl? What does he have that the nice guy doesn’t have? I mean, you are obviously smarter, better organized, more responsible – you know her better, you’ve known her longer etc. You must be a nice guy if you’re reading this and thinking, “Yeah.” Well friends, it’s quite simple really. The bad boy aka naughty boy is simply more daring than you are. You on the other hand are quiet, shy, reserved. Maybe you are quite loud but then around her your pusillanimous nature reveals itself. Maybe you stutter a little bit when you talk to her and later on you beat yourself up about it.

My friend, love is like war. It requires insurmountable courage and unyielding determination. You have to be brave when you are courting her. You cannot at any moment show fear or timidity. Again like war, it is not just about courage but it also requires a certain amount of strategizing and cunning – this you are good at, or so you think? Let’s start of with the first point.

Believe it or not, courage makes all the difference in the world when it comes to courting a woman. Women are quite entranced by a man who is confident and self-assured, the kind of man who is unfazed in the face of fearsome odds. Being with a man who is unsure of himself is like walking out of warm room into the freezing cold, the change is unbearable.  Women will however respond kindly to a man who is bold enough to walk up to her and hold a conversation that is both charming and meaningful without being daunted by her beauty.

You doubt me? Observe the bad boy, look at him. He will do crazy things which are sometimes quite imbecilic. He is impulsive, he speaks his mind and does as he so wishes, courting multiple women who are well aware of each other. You turn up with your neat, prim and albeit shy ways and you offer her you undying love for all eternity. You assure her that there will never be another, that she will be your one and only. Of course you will not say those things, but like the wise man said, actions speak louder than words. The woman does not need to be told the words to know true love when she sees it.

But you are too tame, you are too agreeable, anything she says goes. Her wish is your command. You must abstain from this behavior, because as fate would have it, people don’t go touring to see tamed game, they go out to the Maasai Mara to see wild game – and that is exactly what the bad boy is, WILD.

Every woman wants a bad boy who can be good for her, every man wants a good girl who can be bad for him. Learn this lesson, intentions count for nothing, impressions count for everything! So be brave, for war was never won through cowardice but through gallantry.  As a final note to this point please know that when you are intimidated by a woman, and you show it in your various attempts to court her – she will demand it and will provoke you to respect her more, the more you will be intimidated – ad infinitum.

Secondly, never make known to a woman your true intentions. I know that your strategy is sound, you “stalk” her and learn all there is to her, all her ins and outs. Yet you miss one vital thing! By showing her that she is your one and only, you make yourself predictable. She knows that in your attempts to win her over, you will move heaven and earth just for her. Two things you need to know about this. By virtue of being predictable you become a bore. Additionally, it is human nature to feel superior to the person whose actions you can predict. Now, how is she going to give in to someone who she finds boring and who she feels superior to?

Have you already committed these fatal mistakes? Do you feel like your luck is running out? There is hope for you yet. Every war has its turning point and its time for you to turn the tide around to make her want you. First, you must stop doing the things that make you predictable. You always eat at the same place or the same type of restaurants? Begin going to different restaurants, even if they are above your means – find a way. Where there is a will there is a way. Always hangout with the same gang, play the same games? Withdraw a little. I’m not talking about parting ways with your friends I mean spending a little less time with them especially in front of her.

Do things that you’ve never done before, go swimming, go mountain climbing, take on new challenges that involve daring risks. Do stupid meaningless things that are both impulsive and daring. Do not at any moment give her the slightest hint that any of this is to impress her. Go after other girls for a change, show up in the places where she least expects you and miss out in the places she does expect you. Make sure you show up with a few hot girls when show up to places. Be the center of attention. How? You ask, again where there is a will, there is a way.

She will hear strange stories of the man who she so casually dismissed, reborn, vibrant, impulsive, attractive – a magnet for her fellow women-folk. She will believe that she has made a grievous error, and she will try to make amends.

Do not ignore her, rather, treat her like a friend. Smile genially at her, give her a few short moments with you then pretend you are off to more important things. Of course all this is after you have her undivided attention. Never at any point reveal any part of your strategy to her either directly or indirectly, if you do, I guarantee that you will lose her forever.

Finally, know that most of these attributes will not come naturally to you. On the contrary, they are probably the opposite of what you believe. But these are the ageless laws of seduction. Time passes, revolutions come and go, everything comes and goes but this one fact does not change. Love is War.

When Love Breaks

"Everybody's looking for that something,

One thing that makes it all complete

You'll find it in the strangest places

Places you never thought it could be..."

- Flying Without Wings By Westlife

That moment, when you totally surrender to the love of your life and you declare that you will forever be theirs and they will forever be yours - the most glorious moment of a man's life. You suddenly feel like the world is a better place. Suddenly all your dreams are within arm's reach. Everything feels like its just going to work out somehow, miraculously even. Then comes the honeymoon, the culmination of the wedding ceremony, the thing that sets you over the moon. Bubbling with joy, ripe with passion and overflowing with desire, you consummate your love for one another.

A few months down the line, your ardor for one another barely flickers in the darkness of the time after marriage. You try, but as a man, the desire for your wife no longer exists. You no longer find anything alluring about her. All you see now is a nagging woman who can't wait for you to get home for her to talk your ear off. She no longer sees the glint of desire in your eyes. She talks, but she never really feels like she's heard. Sometimes she feels alone like even though you are already there, you've already left, you've already walked out on her. 

But why? Did the vows you made when you married her change? Did she become too fat? Is there something you want but she can't give? Have you found a different woman to satisfy your amorous tendencies? Or do you feel that she is no longer the woman you love? These questions play out in the mind of a woman like the scenes of a horror movie when your so-called "indifference" as a man, begins. She imagines the worst, unable to contain her jealousy, she begins to accuse the man of infidelity and indifference. Of course this only serves to push the man away, and he begins to wonder what he ever saw in this woman.

But what really happens when people get married? Is marriage a curse that dims even the most fiery passions? Is it an inescapable prison that compels one and all to a life of tolerating one another? Or worse, is it an abyss that sucks up your dreams and casts you into a life of conformity, mediocrity and endless self-sacrifice? Not at all my dear friends. Contrary to popular belief, there are happy couples and while their lives are not real life fairy tales; they are as close to fairy tales as love gets.

Love is killed by many things, but in marriage or commitment (for those who commit to their loved ones before marriage)  - it is mostly killed by a mutual illusion, that one partner no longer has anything to offer, and the other has nothing more to pursue. Am I speaking in parables? Lets flash back to the time before you were "together". When you courted one another.

You as the man would feel eager to see her. You would spend days, sometimes even weeks raking your mind, seeking a way, a means to impress her. Finally, an opportunity would present itself, and you would pounce on it. She would react well this time and you would be pleased, but next time, she would act indifferent, perhaps even disapprove of a very similar action. Taken aback and confused, frustrated and disappointed, you would go back to the drawing board, wondering what you had done wrong. But then, you would come up with a clever innuendo and execute it with surgical precision. Once again, you would be in her good graces, and your heart would boast with pride, The dragon in your heart would roar like a mighty beast, Yes! You had done it. Perhaps she would then withdraw suddenly and you would wonder, by what caprice, she would commit such an offense. In hurt and mental pain, you ponder your past actions pensively. You pore over every detail of your courtship wondering what you did wrong as to cause her to not desire your presence anymore. You apologize for what you think you may have done, but to no avail. You courage fails, your countenance falls. You suppose that perhaps she was too good for you and you too decide to withdraw.

Disarmed by your pain, she suddenly becomes tender, and she honours you with her presence. Confused by the sudden change of fate, you suddenly become alert and decide that perhaps she is giving you or perhaps that life in itself is giving you a second chance to make things right. You redouble your efforts to please her, but once again, you end up on the same place as before but this time you are livid with anger. You are certain that you did your best and that she knows this. You can see that she cares, so why does she draw away?

She draws away because she is afraid to concede to your attacks. Yes, she deeply cares for you, but she is afraid that if she confesses how she feels that perhaps you will make her extremely happy but then that someday you may someday take away that love by suddenly waking up and leaving. Her fears are greatly magnified when such an episode occurs in the life of a female colleague close to her. 

Back to our story, the two of you go back and forth several times and little by little, you win over her heart and she makes an avowal of her strong, boundless love for you and lets go of what she so dearly holds on to, her "virtue". By this time of course, you will have honoured her with flowers, chocolates, secret getaways and adventures, things she would only have dreamed of having and doing with someone who means the world to her. But then the moment a woman gives you her body (her virtue),  she believes that she has no more of herself to offer you. She still however hopes that you will love her and pursue her as you did before.

She proceeds to become too tender, open and complaissant. She leaves nothing to mystery and submits to your every demand unwittingly destroying the very designs and tools that she used to captivate you in the first place. With there no longer being a challenge, the man ceases to pursue her, with flowers, chocolate, fine wine and jewlery and he finds something else; sometimes even someone else to pursue. When these things stop, arguments begin, fights follow, communication breaks down - this is the beginning of the end.

But is it over? Is this the fate of all marriages? Are they all doomed to become lives of misery and ennui? Or was marriage never meant to last? Is the term "Happily married" a paradoxical oxymoron? No. The truth is that while every marriage must have ship-wrecking challenges, these challenges do not have to make you miserable, nor do they have to extinguish the flames of your love. On the contrary, they will make your love stronger and infinitely pleasurable when you overcome them. The woman must not stop resisting her husband after marriage. Do not become too agreeable with him! And for Christ's sake leave some things to mystery. Sure, revel in your conjugal bliss. But try something new sometime. Take a small trip, spend a little time away from him. Surprise him with your talents. Show him that even though he has conquered your "virtue" - he has only just touched the tip of the iceberg. In short, be a puzzle to him. His efforts will be to forever to please you. Men love a challenge, dangle the possibility of him figuring you out like a carrot before a donkey. Bait him, and I guarantee, if he be a man of honour, he will take it.

This article is based on letters exchanged between Lord Saint Evremond and The Modern Leontium

The Pain of Losing Someone

Take a breath
I pull myself together
Just another step till I reach the door
You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you
I wish that I could tell you something
To take it all away...

Ever lost someone you truly cared about? Was it your fault? Did you do something to hurt her? Did you drive him away? Did you make him pay for someone else's mistakes? Did you cheat on her with someone close to her? Does it matter who hurt the other? Does it matter that you tried to apologize? The truth is, we've all hurt someone that we truly loved and cared for at some point in our lives. Unfortunately pain is a nasty poison, it erodes the bonds of friendship and annihilates even the most enduring of relationships.

What is surprising is, it hurts you more to see your loved one suffering, than your loved one suffers for your mistake. Tears follow, along with a feeling of fatality. The more you try to reach out to your loved one, the more they draw away, the more miserable you become. You try desperately by every means to patch things up with your loved one, but all fails. You look to the heavens and feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. You try so hard, you try so hard...

Sometimes you will not know why your beloved withdraws from you. Sometimes, you will miss the very pieces of the puzzle that you need to figure out the mystery. But do you know what the worst pain is? The worst pain is knowing what you did that caused it and not knowing if they will ever forgive you for it.

These indeed are some of the darkest moments in one's life, when you realize you lost a good relationship that you may never gain again. Our worst fear is that we will never be forgiven and our deeds never forgotten. This is especially bad for many of us since our sense of self-value comes from what the people closest to us perceive about us.

Take heart my child, time heals all souls and if that person truly loves you, they will always care and they will forgive - even if you never see it on their exterior. Love is a strange thing, always remember...

Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs....

For Your Own Peace of Mind

"I know he's leaving me for you
(Who said that, who told you?)
That is true
What is he telling you?
Could it be the same things that he told me?
(He told me that he loved me)
I heard that
(He told me I was beautiful)
Uh-huh
(How did you know? How did you know?)
Because I played the scene before..."

- Same Script, Different Cast by Whitney Houston & Deborah Cox 

There's a lot to be said for a person leaving you based on a rumour. Rumours are everywhere, they are in our workplace, in our homes, in our places of worship and devotion; they are even in our very bedrooms. Gossip is such a sweet thing when its about someone else. Its not so sweet, when its about you. But today, I will not bore you with the details of what an ugly monster gossip is and how much trouble rumour mongering causes. No today, lets talk about what to do when people gossip about you and your reputation is on the line.

The surprising thing about gossip is that it always emanates from those closest to you. People you think you can trust, with whom you have shared not just great adventures with, but also great hardships with will gossip about you. Its not always intentional. Sometimes they are just worried about you and are concerned about the decisions you are making. In this matter, your friends sometimes share things about you with other people they assume are your friends since you all hangout together, not realizing that the other person was intentionally left out of the loop for a good reason. Whichever way people find out things about you that, true or not true, you would prefer them not to know, when it happens, it has happened. Its spilled milk, water under the bridge, let it go.

Like alcoholics when they are first confronted with the grim reality of their addiction, your first and most natural reaction to a controversial and potentially damaging story about yourself is denial. Then comes the anger. Rumours are often based upon truth; but the rumour is often so sick and twisted that it completely obscures that truth and changes the complete perception that people have of you. Can you afford to ignore such an insult? Sometimes when its something you've overcome or its something you've already come to terms with, you can let it go without so much as a second thought. But sometimes, you stand to lose something that you really value, a job, a relationship or even a career. Under these circumstances it is quite understandable to first deny the allegations.

Anger is unavoidable in the event that these rumours lead to a loss. Gossip is something so tiny, but like a flame in the bush, it can burn down the whole forest. It may even end up destroying work and/or relationships that you have built for years. The saddest thing is, that those you thought cared and generally meant well for you when you shared these stories with them, ended up being the very culprits that twisted the narrative turning it into a living nightmare! 

In these stage, you - the victim of this rumour - needs to take a step back and reflect. Blazing thoughts flash through your mind. Should you excommunicate your so-called "friends". Should you punish them for this insult, should you defend your pride or try to salvage anything? The answer to all these questions is no, let me tell you why. First of all, these so-called "friends" are sometimes linked to other people or friends (who may or may not be involved in the mongering) that you need in your future. Take the example of this poor lady, who quits her job over her intimate friendship with a colleague. What happened? You ask. Well, they met at work, they courted, dated and had lots of fun sex. Problem is, the dude took naked photos of her. Once they broke up, he posted them on the internet claiming that she was a prostitute. Now, the boss happens to be a close friend of the ex-cum-colleague, what to do? You may want to leave the company having a steady working relationship with the boss for references concerning future job opportunities.

Secondly, you shouldn't bother fighting the opposition. Now, I sound like a politician eh? What I simply mean is, don't bother denying or confirming the story. Why? Because the more you deny it, the guiltier you look because with all rumours there are always multiple versions of the story and you probably heard the mildest one. If you confirm it, then you just put the gasoline to the flame. Ignore the story, it will pass. The best thing about rumours is that they never last, sooner or later, even if you are dead, the truth will out. As the Lord Jesus put it, "Whatever was said in darkness, will be shouted from the rooftops..." Don't waste your time on these rumour mongers. They've already taken part of your reputation, don't let them take your time, energy and enthusiasm. Ignore the chaos, manage it by not breaking silence. Nothing stops a rumour faster than the victim's silence.

Finally, in your anger, do not make rash decisions. Your life may feel like its over. You lost everything that you've ever worked for, all your friends and colleagues have forsaken you. Be not discouraged, these things must come and these things will pass. When people say that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger they truly mean it. I once had such a scene, and it felt like I had no more reason to push on with life. It felt like I was done, like there was nothing more left to do. All you see is pain, all you feel is anger, betrayal, hatred, malice and rancour. Deep bitterness embraces your heart and your desire for revenge is unmatched. Hear me out, there is always a bright side. You just can't see it because of the pain, bitterness and anger.

In the midst of all this, you cannot hope to win by trying to salvage what is lost. You cannot hope to win by being a good man, showing the good things you've consistently done for others. Neither by appealing to others who have gone through the same pain. I know because I have seen others who have done this and failed miserably. Here is what those who succeeded did. They let it go. "Noooooooo!" A thundering voice booms in your mind. "Not like this, not after everything that they did to me and definitely not after what I did for them!" Even if you can get back at them, let it go for this simple reason. All the things you lose in your life, you lose to gain better things. You lose a job, you gain a business. You lose a relationship, you learn a lesson and get a better relationship. You lose a career, you gain a new one, one far much more rewarding. 

Every single event that happens in your life can either be a stumbling block or a stepping stone. I leave you with this fine story of the late Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs, built apple from nothing. He made it what it became. At one time, he contracted a new CEO for the company. In the beginning, they agreed on everything, even finishing each other sentences. You couldn't have found a finer pair of twins anywhere on the globe. A few months down the line, they disagreed and Steve was forced to leave the company. Steve had given up his education for this company, he had given everything for this company. It was his life's work and now, all of it had gone away, just like that! Steve walked away from the chaos, it was too late to start another similar company. Both his career and his job were gone in one fleeting instant. He had dependants, and responsibilities. He had financial obligations, what was he to do? He started a new company providing a new technology. This technology is what is used to develop movie animations. This company became a mainstream success. Meanwhile, Apple sales were going down. The company's value dropped lower and lower every year until the company was forced to invite the very man they cast out, back into the fold. By this time, Steve's other company was way more successful than Apple. Steve did not need them, they needed him and the world knew it. 

What did Steve do different? Having lost everything including, contacts, his job, his career, his partners and probably various investments made through the company; Steve chose not to focus on what he had lost, instead he focused on moving on. This my dear readers, is always the key to moving past the chaos and the nightmares. You may not know where you're going or how you will start, but just start like this. Put one foot in front of the other and whatever you do, every day you get up, try and hold your head up high. Soon you will look back, like Steve and marvel at how far you've come. If you do not do so, then know this, that you are dead on your feet. Some messes cannot be fixed and some wrongs cannot be made right. As Solomon once said, "That which is crooked cannot be made straight; and that which is wanting, cannot be numbered..." (Ecclesiastes 1:15). Remember this, whatever you do, you can never look back. The past is the past, you cannot change it and it you can't make it better. If you try to go back, you lose whatever you've gained, great or small. Steve turned his greatest defeat, his darkest moment, into his brightest hour. Will you dare to do this today?

Love At First Sight!!!

Cuando Me Miras Así -- (When You Look At Me So) When you look at me so I am lost. When you look at me so I go with you. What can I do? Your eyes are the magnet for my heart. When you look at me so I am complete. When you look at me so I know who I am. I ask for no more, it is the best. You're the angel light of my love In you I can see the freedom. You make me feel that I can fly. And I know that here is my place. And I know that I want to love you. When you look at me so... When you look at me so... nothing more is needed. The only desire I feel is to love. In you I can see the freedom. You make me feel that I can fly. And I know that here is my place. And I know that I want to love you. In you I can see (the) freedom. You make me feel that I can fly. And I know that here is my place. And I know that I want to love you.

Where do broken hearts go...

"You see, I haven't been the same
Since that cold November day
We said we needed space
But all we found was an empty place..."

- Where Do Broken Hearts Go by Whitney Houston

So where do broken hearts really go when they are broken? What really happens to a man or woman who thought they had met the love of their life only to lose that loved one in a painful and sometimes embarrassing way? Do endless tears or sad mourning change anything? Does the pain ever truly go away?

The short answer is no, the pain does not go away at all. The pain stays, sometimes so does the love. But why is it that those of us who have suffered through relentless pain and torture - sometimes even physically - stay? What makes us so naive? Why are we so drawn to the people that hurt us? Why do we so willingly give our hearts to those who will not think twice to hurt us?

Your husband beats you, he slaps, punches, kicks and even bites you till you bleed. Your wife sleeps with other men, and does not even bother to hide it. She abhors and despises you, but you still will not walk away? Is there something wrong with you? No. Are you retarded? No. Why are you still with her?

There is no simple answer to that. You see folks, when you first loved someone, they were sweet, loving, considerate, protective, considerate and very passionate. You, as a couple, had shared dreams and you both felt the same way about each other and nothing seemed impossible to the two of you. You shared in each other's joys and in each other's sorrows. You overcame everything together, it was like the moon and the sun. Though different, one can't do without the other.

They would start a sentence and you would finish it. She would be upset, and he would know what to say. He would make mistakes, and she would not judge him. They make their way to the top, but then slowly, things start to change. He no longer comes home, he doesn't even pay the school fees for his own children. She no longer bothers with the household chores, she will not even pay the maid for her services.

What happens? Why do men change once they marry? Why do women withhold conjugal rights within marriages? Well I cannot answer all those questions. I can however tell you, what sometimes happens in such cases.

When a man or woman is left by the single person in the world around whom their world seemingly revolved, their world crumbles. As Chinua Achebe once said "...The center cannot hold, things fall apart..." She was beaten and abused, but she did not leave him; ironically, he leaves her for another. Such a woman's world is non-existent. The reason that one does not leave a relationship even when the worst comes to the worst is because looking into their partner's eyes, they see not what that person really is but what he/she used to be or in some cases, what they could have been. Its hard, indeed it is nearly impossible to accept that your picture-perfect relationship is over and there is no fixing it.

Sometimes, the history between two people is so rich and the feelings between them so strong that when they part, one is irreparably broken. I'm not exaggerating. What happens to the things you used to do together like sing in the shower together? What happens to the small things like how you used to take coffee in the morning together or how you'd wake up to the beautiful scent of your partner in the morning? What happens to the conversations you'd have in the morning, inside the car on your way to work?

What happens to the outings where you'd visit restaurants together? Can you still visit those same restaurants alone? What happens when you are fixing the couch and you remember how she loved arranging the cushions? Or when you see someone at the office carrying a handbag that's the same colour as one of her handbags? What happens when you see someone else wearing a sweater that looks just like her favourite sweater?

What happens when you are in a public vehicle and her favourite song comes on the radio? Or when the person seated next to you is wearing her favourite perfume? Can you really forget how she would smile at you every morning when you saw her? Or the fervour with which she would get all dressed up every morning and especially Sunday mornings, when she would strictly wear a skirt or a dress?

Can you forget his handsome face? His strong grip? His warm embrace? Can you forget his charming smile? Or how he used to fix the shower every time it had a problem? Can you forget his off-colour jokes and his vain attempts to hide secrets from you? Can you forget how he would stammer when he was afraid to tell you something? Can you forget the soft feel of his lips? Or the firm feel of his bossom? Can you really forget how it felt for him to caress you tenderly and look at you longingly, desire evident in his eyes?

Did you really forget all the special dates he took you out on? All the nice surprises he arranged for you? Can you really forget all the wonderful meals she cooked for you? How she tirelessly washed all your clothes? How sexy she looked bending over in a skirt?
(While washing!!!!)

The answer is no. You can't really forget all of that. The pictures, the trips, the adventures, the friends, the memories...its all too much to forfeit. Instead we hold on to this image of a time when everything was perfect. When he knew exactly what you wanted, even when you didn't say it. When she did all things without complaining or nagging. We do all things to make the relationship work, but when it fails, we cannot bear the pain. Yet the pain is so deeply interlinked with our joys. The person that brought us seemingly, never-ending pleasure, brought us even greater pain.

We move on, but we never forget...