When You're Gone

...when you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it ok

I miss you...

Today, I will not speak to you about what you should do, but about how I feel. There are couples whose love burns as a star at the outset of a relationship, but whose relationship quickly descends into a strange war. Am I being vague? She saw him at an entertainment spot, he made the first move. They quickly bonded, their love was unmatched. He found himself doing things he had never done for another woman. She found herself giving into this man like she had given herself to no other.

For a while, their love prospered, and their passion for one another blazed like a fiendish fire. But then there  are these little things he always did that nagged her and though she loved him, she wanted him to change. He loved her deeply, but she made a friend, and this friend became too close for the comfort of her boyfriend. Slowly they began to argue, fights began. Subsequently, they broke up. Days later, they made up. It happened again and again, each time the tear in their relationship became bigger until finally they were both too exhausted to care anymore.

A year later, he gets drunk and calls her. She picks up and they talk. She misses him, even though she is afraid to admit it. He misses her even more, but he will not tell her. Why? Well, she misses him but how will she know if he has changed? How will she know if he won't hurt her again as he did before? He wants her desperately, more than anything else in his life. He wants to tell her that he misses her and that even though he has met dozens of damsels with enchanting beauty none of them is like her. He wants more than anything to hold her in his arms, brush her hair, hold her head back, stare into her eyes and kiss her full in the lips like he hasn't kissed her before. 

He won't do this, he will never do this, not even if she begs, not while she still has that close male friend whom her boyfriend feels he left her for. This is what he says to himself, even though deep down he knows it not to be true.

He loved her like diamonds and gold, he put nothing before her. They were always together, the envy of their peers. They went together like thunder and lightning. He loved her and she loved him, but none of them admitted to this at first. Their relationship bloomed. They bonded greatly. She threw him hints, small hints at first, but he didn't notice so she escalated her attacks upon his heart. She tried big hints, he did not get it. Desiring his love, she began to do things like to tickle him with her big toe whenever they were together. She laughed whenever he spoke, even when what he said wasn't funny. She would smile like an angel at him every morning. But he loved her too much, he did not believe that an angel such as her could love him back and so he dismissed all this as just games that she played upon his conscience.

She withdrew from him, his love for her overtook him and he courted her day and night moving the sun and the moon to bring heaven at her feet. Delighted by the new power she suddenly held over this man she continued to resist him, he went even further, above and beyond the limits of what even he believed he could do. Both amused and excited by the eccentricities that his passion revealed, she provoked him, goaded him for more. But by now he believed that the battle was lost. He too withdrew.

Disarmed by his hurt pride, she sent her friend to inquire about him. A friend whom she unconditionally trusted, unwittingly orchestrating the demise of the very thing she was trying to salvage. Her friend was charming and cunning, she motivated him and reassured him that he was indeed loved and treasured by the very woman he desired. Encouraged, he tried to court the lady again - again he was rebuffed; the friend intervened, reassuring him that all was not lost and that maybe there was a glimmer of hope. The cycle continued with the man always trying to impress the lady he desired and the lady rebuffing him and sending her friend to make excuses for her whenever she offended him.

Irritated by the fact that she would not humble herself to apologize to him whenever she accidentally hurt him - instead sending her friend to do it for her - he decides to stop his attempt at romances and decides to focus on his own life. Sadly he never understood that she loved him, and she rebuffed him only because she was afraid to gain his love only to someday lose it through a mysterious circumstance.

She misses him, but she will not admit this for she fears what it may mean if she were to admit this. Will he become proud? Will he boast? Will he tell the world that in the end it was he who won and she was wrong for what she did? He misses her too. He wishes that he could tell her, that though the years have passed and he has met many more sublime women, she is still the object of his desire. He wants so much to embrace her and spin her like a child and to devote himself to making her happy - but if she does not humble herself to admit that she misses him, that she cares for him just as much as he cares for her, then he will never return to her. His myopic illusion conceals from him one crucial fact - that she may never have cared for him as much as he cared for her. After all, the one who says "I love you" first, is the one who cares more.

If like me, you've been there where I was then - take heart. All things work together for good. If it was meant to be, it will be.

So why does your pride make you run and hide?

Are you that afraid of me?

But I know its a lie what you keep inside

This is not how you want it to be....