When She Is Too Good For You

Sometimes love comes around

(Love comes around)

And it knocks you down

Just get back up

When it knocks you down

(Knocks you down)

Sometimes love comes around

(Love comes around)

And it knocks you down

Just get back up

When it knocks you down...

- Knock you down by Keri Hilson ft Kanye West, Neyo

Hello my dear readers. It's been a while since my last article; I appreciate you taking this time to read my articles, I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. Have you ever had a partner who was perfect? Someone you never dreamed of having in a million years yet somehow he/she is attracted to you. She is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with and no matter how bad things get, if she is happy then you are happy. Tell me, are you feeling this way now about someone?

It's a lovely feeling to encounter, the world just seems to be better place. So many dreams become seemingly plausible. You suddenly begin to think of things such as marriage, children, holiday-getaways and erotic moments. You talk endlessly about her and the things she wants in life and all your friends know about how you feel for her. Even her friends know of your gallant advances on her.

Some people even take it a step further and introduce their mates to their parents well before engagement or any formalized union. To the other partner this is a serious sign of commitment and a step in the right direction for the couple. This is a bold step indeed, for men generally only take home a woman whom they respect and who would be respected by his parents and relatives. Now I know some ladies have an issue with the use of the word "respect" here - before you cast judgement let me be clear. A man will say anything to get into your pants. He may be interested in you as a person but as is often the case, he is only just looking for a good time. He may not like you. He may not even want to be seen with you. In such a case he might arrange for you to meet him at a spot that he doesn't frequent, that is, somewhere clandestine. After the pick-up you'll go for drinks and whether it's the first date or the third when you inadvertently end up in his bed, his business with you will be concluded if he only wanted fun.

In some cases, he may continue to pursue you a few more times before formally dropping the pretence. He doesn't want you to take it personally so he may say he needs some space or he needs to work on his marriage or he'll give some other flimsy excuse that lets you know you are no longer in the picture. Sometimes he may not even bother to pick up your calls or return your emails. Maybe you may even bump into him with someone else sometime only for you to find out later that he was already married.

It is therefore a shock for most women who get pregnant then confront the fathers only for the fathers to deny this blatantly. Usually a man will accuse the woman of sleeping with other men even if when he met her she was a virgin. While this is sometimes true and the lady seeks to be with this man only for economic security, many times the lady confronts the real father of her soon-to-be-born child.

So why does the father so hotly deny the woman's claims. There are a number of reasons to this, I doubt that even a book could address them all let alone this article but here are a few. Firstly, it may be because he never cared about you. You were just a challenge. Maybe you were a virgin who had resisted many and so your reputation found its way to his ears and he listened. It maybe that he took a passing fancy to you but that after having you in bed a few times like Judah with Tamar, he detests you.

Secondly, it might be because you are beautiful. Now before you demand for your pound of flesh let me say that beauty is not a curse. What I simply mean is that sometimes a man wants to get with you for no other reason but for your ravishing looks. Isn't this so ironical? I mean if he slept with you because you are beautiful why doesn't he want to be with you anymore? You are still beautiful right? Well yes but men are cautious because him continuing to sleep with you represents some form of commitment. Powerful men avoid this because everyone knows that it is easier to avoid commitment than to get out of it.

Thirdly it might be revenge. Shocking isn't it? I can imagine all sorts of questions popping up in your head. Revenge? Why? What did I ever do to him? More often than not it has nothing to do with you and it has everything to do with the people in his life. Maybe he grew up feeling rejected being unpopular. But then he grows up into a handsome charming and successful man, but the unresolved issues linger. Sometimes someone made them terminally ill and they vow to avenge themselves to other innocent people. Maybe someone you are close to offended him - especially his girlfriend who is your friend; and he knows that by sleeping with you he will injure that person's pride. The list of reasons is endless, if you've been there I hope you find your closure.

To continue with my original theme. As a man you may consider your fortunes to have changed. You may feel that the universe is smiling down at you. Yet deep down you know  those fearful thoughts creep up on you. You know that she is too good for you. You feel like you tricked her into loving you and you feel like if you lose her you will lose the only good thing you ever had. For you are not new to rejection. You fear the day that she will wake up from her abstraction, her dream and realize how so very banal you are - and it happens. So when it happens your world comes crumbling down.

Some people are not strong enough to deal with this. They end up assigning themselves to the gallows or they resolve to finding an escape at the bottom of a bottle if you know what I mean. Things do not bode well for people who are not strong in matters of the heart. For love and the effusions of the heart are by nature not logical or sound. They cause one to do many meaningless things and no one is safe. Anyone can be affected, no matter how high their station in life.

Millionaires have lost their wealth pursuing damsels mistakenly thinking that the same skills that brought them prosperity in business will aid them in acquiring the love of the women they pursue. The truth is such skills do not work in the arena of romance. For while business requires a clear strategy with lots of logical thinking and planning, matters of romance are not so rigidly set in stone.

For those who have been left by someone, if you have been used, abused, accused and excused - don't worry. I know it may seem that the clouds are dark and you are drowning in the ocean of your own misery and sorrow but take heart. Know this, that many more have come before you and each of them had to deal with their pain. How they dealt with their pain is what differentiated them. How do you deal with it? You let go. "Easy for you to say, you've never been there. You don't know how I feel!" Actually I have been there and it took me months to even consider moving on.

It took everything I had just not to break down and relinquish hope. She was first thing I thought of when I woke up and I always slept to her thoughts. I wondered what could have been. I wondered if she would fall asleep again under the spell of my love. I half-hoped that she would, half-hoped that she would not because I knew it was over. Whenever I was sad I wanted to call her. Whenever I was happy her number would flash into my mind. I would go to town and as I walked the streets I hoped I would catch her eye. Time heals all souls my friend. Every setback is just a comeback waiting to happen. When I finally did get over her, I met people who I would never have dreamed of knowing or even associating with. I was no longer desperate for someone else's love or approval rather I revel in meeting new, successful people every day. It will be a brighter day if you just hold on. "Hold on to what I feel like I'm on quicksand, the ground beneath me is swallowing me! I'm falling to pieces!" Hold on to the hope that there is a deeper meaning to all this because I promise you there is.

Memories of Nobody

"I shouldn't have walked away
I would have stayed if you said
We could have made everything ok
But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The final blow hit so low
I'm still on the ground..."

- Angel's Cry By Mariah Carey Ft Neyo

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," William Congreve once said. Men and women have different levels of anger. When a man is angry to the limit, he may grab his woman, shake her like a flask of porridge or even abuse her verbally. I do not support violence. However, when a woman is angry, she will say the most hurtful thing she can think of. This is what William meant when he made this comment. Nearly 300 years later, we acknowledge this fact. 

Ladies, men love you, treasure you and value you but you need to know that men have limits. Women are very loving and forgiving, they will remember everything you said in an argument a year down the line. This is why men are so precarious when speaking to a woman when she is angry - because long after they've forgotten about it, women will remember. They will not just remember but they will connect your actions, discover a pattern and associate that with an emotion. Men like to avoid this.

Men on the other hand are very forgetful. A man will forget your birthday, your anniversary, the age of your children and many other things. In the same vein he will forget your messes, your mistakes and your drama. However, in the life of a couple there are challenges. You will fight, let me reassure you of that. If you can fight with your brother or sister with whom you have grown up with then you will also fight with your better half. 

It is at these times that you  need to be very careful because even though men will forget MOST of what you say, they will not forget what you say if you hit below the belt. Of these actions, none is more potent in destroying a relationship than questioning a man's ability to provide for his own. The core of a man is his ability to provide, so to question this even in passing or in jest, especially when he is in dire financial straits - is to kick him when he is down. He will not forget this, he will not let it go. It is worse than beating him or abusing him. Ladies, it is the equivalent of him casting aspersions upon your physical beauty. Take the example of a barren woman. What if she accidentally hurts a child and the mother of that baby says to her, "Its no wonder you are not a mother, you suck at it!" Such is the power of doubting a man's ability to provide.

This will be the sign that you have truly offended him, he will fall silent even when you are eating together at the table. He will come home, but not at his usual hours. He will not touch the food you cook for him. This is if you are married. If you are not married then he will simply ignore you. He will consign you to ignominy. He will act as if you never existed in the first place. You will be eternally banished from his mind. To the world he may act normal, but at home he will never be the same. If this man is an alcoholic, he may drink harder. I cannot tell you all the things that a man will do when you dare to deign his ability to cater for his own - however, you should know that if you do it may well be the beginning of the end.

Ladies, a man's ego is very delicate. You must tread cautiously when it comes to this one thing. There are things that men cannot deal with, they deal with them by expunging them from their minds and if you are the cause of this distress, then your fate is sealed.

So when does the magic of love wither?

Goodbye to you my trusted friend...

We've known each other since we were nine or ten

Together we have climbed hills and trees

Learned of love and ABC's

Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees...

When a man loves a woman, he accepts her as she is and loves her despite all her faults and eccentricities. When a woman loves a man, she desires to enhance him, to improve him, to make him more than he ever dreamed he could be. I heard someone say that when a man loves a woman it is good; when a woman loves a man it is beautiful but when two people love one another it is magical.

So when does the magic of love wither? I've heard many couples say upon their divorce that their primary reason for parting with one another is "irreconcilable differences." Yet looking at their wedding videos and their wedding albums one would indeed be forced to conclude that love is eternally binding even against the most insurmountable odds. I have indeed brooded over this for a long time and this is what I have found.

A woman wants her man to be better, not because she finds fault with him but because over time all things change and women love it when their men improve with age. They love to see their men overcome great odds, and go on to become victorious in life. This serves many good purposes, the best of which perhaps is to set a good example for their children to follow.

A man accepts his beloved with all her imperfections and strange tendencies because though she may not be perfect, she is perfect for him. I am not saying that our mistakes and imperfections make us more desirable to our partners; I am saying that our mistakes, our strange fetishes and unspeakables....they all form part of who we really are. Once in a life time ladies, you may find someone who sees you exactly as you really are but who loves you all the more for who you are. Someone who makes you feel proud to be who you are. Someone who makes you feel whole and fulfilled. Someone you can share your dreams and worldly cares with. Someone who won't laugh at your crazy ideas or dismiss you just because you are talking about things they can't relate to. Instead this someone will encourage you. He will make you want to dream more. He won't only encourage you, but he will support your dreams and give voice to all your hopes. No matter how tough it gets to be with each other, he will stay by your side and try to make sense of what he can. What I mean is, he will try to understand you.

Lets take a step back and see what we have here. A man who loves his woman and does not want her to change because she is perfect for him; and a woman who loves her man and wants him to change because she loves him dearly. How can two people who love each other so much have many differences in the way they love one another? Isn't this all the more complicated because people tend to give the kind of love that they expect to receive?

You don't believe me? You don't believe that people tend to give the kind of love that they expect to receive? So why do married men say their wives have changed? Why do married women say that men never change? In the midst of all this, what is love? If love for one person means changing and for the other person it means not changing then what do these couples truly share?

Believe me, this is love. This is how it works even if no one fully understands it. Life and death, day and night, fire and ice, creation and destruction, sun and moon. All these things are examples of extremes but they all have one thing in common, they all form CYCLES. Have you ever wondered why the wedding ring was made almost perfectly cylindrical? It is because love was never meant to end. 

Restlessness, jealousy, quarrels, making of friends again,spitefulness,all are the food for love

- Ninon De Lenclos

When You're Gone

...when you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it ok

I miss you...

Today, I will not speak to you about what you should do, but about how I feel. There are couples whose love burns as a star at the outset of a relationship, but whose relationship quickly descends into a strange war. Am I being vague? She saw him at an entertainment spot, he made the first move. They quickly bonded, their love was unmatched. He found himself doing things he had never done for another woman. She found herself giving into this man like she had given herself to no other.

For a while, their love prospered, and their passion for one another blazed like a fiendish fire. But then there  are these little things he always did that nagged her and though she loved him, she wanted him to change. He loved her deeply, but she made a friend, and this friend became too close for the comfort of her boyfriend. Slowly they began to argue, fights began. Subsequently, they broke up. Days later, they made up. It happened again and again, each time the tear in their relationship became bigger until finally they were both too exhausted to care anymore.

A year later, he gets drunk and calls her. She picks up and they talk. She misses him, even though she is afraid to admit it. He misses her even more, but he will not tell her. Why? Well, she misses him but how will she know if he has changed? How will she know if he won't hurt her again as he did before? He wants her desperately, more than anything else in his life. He wants to tell her that he misses her and that even though he has met dozens of damsels with enchanting beauty none of them is like her. He wants more than anything to hold her in his arms, brush her hair, hold her head back, stare into her eyes and kiss her full in the lips like he hasn't kissed her before. 

He won't do this, he will never do this, not even if she begs, not while she still has that close male friend whom her boyfriend feels he left her for. This is what he says to himself, even though deep down he knows it not to be true.

He loved her like diamonds and gold, he put nothing before her. They were always together, the envy of their peers. They went together like thunder and lightning. He loved her and she loved him, but none of them admitted to this at first. Their relationship bloomed. They bonded greatly. She threw him hints, small hints at first, but he didn't notice so she escalated her attacks upon his heart. She tried big hints, he did not get it. Desiring his love, she began to do things like to tickle him with her big toe whenever they were together. She laughed whenever he spoke, even when what he said wasn't funny. She would smile like an angel at him every morning. But he loved her too much, he did not believe that an angel such as her could love him back and so he dismissed all this as just games that she played upon his conscience.

She withdrew from him, his love for her overtook him and he courted her day and night moving the sun and the moon to bring heaven at her feet. Delighted by the new power she suddenly held over this man she continued to resist him, he went even further, above and beyond the limits of what even he believed he could do. Both amused and excited by the eccentricities that his passion revealed, she provoked him, goaded him for more. But by now he believed that the battle was lost. He too withdrew.

Disarmed by his hurt pride, she sent her friend to inquire about him. A friend whom she unconditionally trusted, unwittingly orchestrating the demise of the very thing she was trying to salvage. Her friend was charming and cunning, she motivated him and reassured him that he was indeed loved and treasured by the very woman he desired. Encouraged, he tried to court the lady again - again he was rebuffed; the friend intervened, reassuring him that all was not lost and that maybe there was a glimmer of hope. The cycle continued with the man always trying to impress the lady he desired and the lady rebuffing him and sending her friend to make excuses for her whenever she offended him.

Irritated by the fact that she would not humble herself to apologize to him whenever she accidentally hurt him - instead sending her friend to do it for her - he decides to stop his attempt at romances and decides to focus on his own life. Sadly he never understood that she loved him, and she rebuffed him only because she was afraid to gain his love only to someday lose it through a mysterious circumstance.

She misses him, but she will not admit this for she fears what it may mean if she were to admit this. Will he become proud? Will he boast? Will he tell the world that in the end it was he who won and she was wrong for what she did? He misses her too. He wishes that he could tell her, that though the years have passed and he has met many more sublime women, she is still the object of his desire. He wants so much to embrace her and spin her like a child and to devote himself to making her happy - but if she does not humble herself to admit that she misses him, that she cares for him just as much as he cares for her, then he will never return to her. His myopic illusion conceals from him one crucial fact - that she may never have cared for him as much as he cared for her. After all, the one who says "I love you" first, is the one who cares more.

If like me, you've been there where I was then - take heart. All things work together for good. If it was meant to be, it will be.

So why does your pride make you run and hide?

Are you that afraid of me?

But I know its a lie what you keep inside

This is not how you want it to be....

Winning in Love

"Why does love always feel like ...

a battlefield (battlefield)

a battlefield (battlefield)

a battlefield (battlefield)

I guess you better go and get your armor..."

- Battlefield By Jordin Sparks

Why does the bad boy get the girl? What does he have that the nice guy doesn’t have? I mean, you are obviously smarter, better organized, more responsible – you know her better, you’ve known her longer etc. You must be a nice guy if you’re reading this and thinking, “Yeah.” Well friends, it’s quite simple really. The bad boy aka naughty boy is simply more daring than you are. You on the other hand are quiet, shy, reserved. Maybe you are quite loud but then around her your pusillanimous nature reveals itself. Maybe you stutter a little bit when you talk to her and later on you beat yourself up about it.

My friend, love is like war. It requires insurmountable courage and unyielding determination. You have to be brave when you are courting her. You cannot at any moment show fear or timidity. Again like war, it is not just about courage but it also requires a certain amount of strategizing and cunning – this you are good at, or so you think? Let’s start of with the first point.

Believe it or not, courage makes all the difference in the world when it comes to courting a woman. Women are quite entranced by a man who is confident and self-assured, the kind of man who is unfazed in the face of fearsome odds. Being with a man who is unsure of himself is like walking out of warm room into the freezing cold, the change is unbearable.  Women will however respond kindly to a man who is bold enough to walk up to her and hold a conversation that is both charming and meaningful without being daunted by her beauty.

You doubt me? Observe the bad boy, look at him. He will do crazy things which are sometimes quite imbecilic. He is impulsive, he speaks his mind and does as he so wishes, courting multiple women who are well aware of each other. You turn up with your neat, prim and albeit shy ways and you offer her you undying love for all eternity. You assure her that there will never be another, that she will be your one and only. Of course you will not say those things, but like the wise man said, actions speak louder than words. The woman does not need to be told the words to know true love when she sees it.

But you are too tame, you are too agreeable, anything she says goes. Her wish is your command. You must abstain from this behavior, because as fate would have it, people don’t go touring to see tamed game, they go out to the Maasai Mara to see wild game – and that is exactly what the bad boy is, WILD.

Every woman wants a bad boy who can be good for her, every man wants a good girl who can be bad for him. Learn this lesson, intentions count for nothing, impressions count for everything! So be brave, for war was never won through cowardice but through gallantry.  As a final note to this point please know that when you are intimidated by a woman, and you show it in your various attempts to court her – she will demand it and will provoke you to respect her more, the more you will be intimidated – ad infinitum.

Secondly, never make known to a woman your true intentions. I know that your strategy is sound, you “stalk” her and learn all there is to her, all her ins and outs. Yet you miss one vital thing! By showing her that she is your one and only, you make yourself predictable. She knows that in your attempts to win her over, you will move heaven and earth just for her. Two things you need to know about this. By virtue of being predictable you become a bore. Additionally, it is human nature to feel superior to the person whose actions you can predict. Now, how is she going to give in to someone who she finds boring and who she feels superior to?

Have you already committed these fatal mistakes? Do you feel like your luck is running out? There is hope for you yet. Every war has its turning point and its time for you to turn the tide around to make her want you. First, you must stop doing the things that make you predictable. You always eat at the same place or the same type of restaurants? Begin going to different restaurants, even if they are above your means – find a way. Where there is a will there is a way. Always hangout with the same gang, play the same games? Withdraw a little. I’m not talking about parting ways with your friends I mean spending a little less time with them especially in front of her.

Do things that you’ve never done before, go swimming, go mountain climbing, take on new challenges that involve daring risks. Do stupid meaningless things that are both impulsive and daring. Do not at any moment give her the slightest hint that any of this is to impress her. Go after other girls for a change, show up in the places where she least expects you and miss out in the places she does expect you. Make sure you show up with a few hot girls when show up to places. Be the center of attention. How? You ask, again where there is a will, there is a way.

She will hear strange stories of the man who she so casually dismissed, reborn, vibrant, impulsive, attractive – a magnet for her fellow women-folk. She will believe that she has made a grievous error, and she will try to make amends.

Do not ignore her, rather, treat her like a friend. Smile genially at her, give her a few short moments with you then pretend you are off to more important things. Of course all this is after you have her undivided attention. Never at any point reveal any part of your strategy to her either directly or indirectly, if you do, I guarantee that you will lose her forever.

Finally, know that most of these attributes will not come naturally to you. On the contrary, they are probably the opposite of what you believe. But these are the ageless laws of seduction. Time passes, revolutions come and go, everything comes and goes but this one fact does not change. Love is War.

When Love Breaks

"Everybody's looking for that something,

One thing that makes it all complete

You'll find it in the strangest places

Places you never thought it could be..."

- Flying Without Wings By Westlife

That moment, when you totally surrender to the love of your life and you declare that you will forever be theirs and they will forever be yours - the most glorious moment of a man's life. You suddenly feel like the world is a better place. Suddenly all your dreams are within arm's reach. Everything feels like its just going to work out somehow, miraculously even. Then comes the honeymoon, the culmination of the wedding ceremony, the thing that sets you over the moon. Bubbling with joy, ripe with passion and overflowing with desire, you consummate your love for one another.

A few months down the line, your ardor for one another barely flickers in the darkness of the time after marriage. You try, but as a man, the desire for your wife no longer exists. You no longer find anything alluring about her. All you see now is a nagging woman who can't wait for you to get home for her to talk your ear off. She no longer sees the glint of desire in your eyes. She talks, but she never really feels like she's heard. Sometimes she feels alone like even though you are already there, you've already left, you've already walked out on her. 

But why? Did the vows you made when you married her change? Did she become too fat? Is there something you want but she can't give? Have you found a different woman to satisfy your amorous tendencies? Or do you feel that she is no longer the woman you love? These questions play out in the mind of a woman like the scenes of a horror movie when your so-called "indifference" as a man, begins. She imagines the worst, unable to contain her jealousy, she begins to accuse the man of infidelity and indifference. Of course this only serves to push the man away, and he begins to wonder what he ever saw in this woman.

But what really happens when people get married? Is marriage a curse that dims even the most fiery passions? Is it an inescapable prison that compels one and all to a life of tolerating one another? Or worse, is it an abyss that sucks up your dreams and casts you into a life of conformity, mediocrity and endless self-sacrifice? Not at all my dear friends. Contrary to popular belief, there are happy couples and while their lives are not real life fairy tales; they are as close to fairy tales as love gets.

Love is killed by many things, but in marriage or commitment (for those who commit to their loved ones before marriage)  - it is mostly killed by a mutual illusion, that one partner no longer has anything to offer, and the other has nothing more to pursue. Am I speaking in parables? Lets flash back to the time before you were "together". When you courted one another.

You as the man would feel eager to see her. You would spend days, sometimes even weeks raking your mind, seeking a way, a means to impress her. Finally, an opportunity would present itself, and you would pounce on it. She would react well this time and you would be pleased, but next time, she would act indifferent, perhaps even disapprove of a very similar action. Taken aback and confused, frustrated and disappointed, you would go back to the drawing board, wondering what you had done wrong. But then, you would come up with a clever innuendo and execute it with surgical precision. Once again, you would be in her good graces, and your heart would boast with pride, The dragon in your heart would roar like a mighty beast, Yes! You had done it. Perhaps she would then withdraw suddenly and you would wonder, by what caprice, she would commit such an offense. In hurt and mental pain, you ponder your past actions pensively. You pore over every detail of your courtship wondering what you did wrong as to cause her to not desire your presence anymore. You apologize for what you think you may have done, but to no avail. You courage fails, your countenance falls. You suppose that perhaps she was too good for you and you too decide to withdraw.

Disarmed by your pain, she suddenly becomes tender, and she honours you with her presence. Confused by the sudden change of fate, you suddenly become alert and decide that perhaps she is giving you or perhaps that life in itself is giving you a second chance to make things right. You redouble your efforts to please her, but once again, you end up on the same place as before but this time you are livid with anger. You are certain that you did your best and that she knows this. You can see that she cares, so why does she draw away?

She draws away because she is afraid to concede to your attacks. Yes, she deeply cares for you, but she is afraid that if she confesses how she feels that perhaps you will make her extremely happy but then that someday you may someday take away that love by suddenly waking up and leaving. Her fears are greatly magnified when such an episode occurs in the life of a female colleague close to her. 

Back to our story, the two of you go back and forth several times and little by little, you win over her heart and she makes an avowal of her strong, boundless love for you and lets go of what she so dearly holds on to, her "virtue". By this time of course, you will have honoured her with flowers, chocolates, secret getaways and adventures, things she would only have dreamed of having and doing with someone who means the world to her. But then the moment a woman gives you her body (her virtue),  she believes that she has no more of herself to offer you. She still however hopes that you will love her and pursue her as you did before.

She proceeds to become too tender, open and complaissant. She leaves nothing to mystery and submits to your every demand unwittingly destroying the very designs and tools that she used to captivate you in the first place. With there no longer being a challenge, the man ceases to pursue her, with flowers, chocolate, fine wine and jewlery and he finds something else; sometimes even someone else to pursue. When these things stop, arguments begin, fights follow, communication breaks down - this is the beginning of the end.

But is it over? Is this the fate of all marriages? Are they all doomed to become lives of misery and ennui? Or was marriage never meant to last? Is the term "Happily married" a paradoxical oxymoron? No. The truth is that while every marriage must have ship-wrecking challenges, these challenges do not have to make you miserable, nor do they have to extinguish the flames of your love. On the contrary, they will make your love stronger and infinitely pleasurable when you overcome them. The woman must not stop resisting her husband after marriage. Do not become too agreeable with him! And for Christ's sake leave some things to mystery. Sure, revel in your conjugal bliss. But try something new sometime. Take a small trip, spend a little time away from him. Surprise him with your talents. Show him that even though he has conquered your "virtue" - he has only just touched the tip of the iceberg. In short, be a puzzle to him. His efforts will be to forever to please you. Men love a challenge, dangle the possibility of him figuring you out like a carrot before a donkey. Bait him, and I guarantee, if he be a man of honour, he will take it.

This article is based on letters exchanged between Lord Saint Evremond and The Modern Leontium

The Pain of Losing Someone

Take a breath
I pull myself together
Just another step till I reach the door
You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you
I wish that I could tell you something
To take it all away...

Ever lost someone you truly cared about? Was it your fault? Did you do something to hurt her? Did you drive him away? Did you make him pay for someone else's mistakes? Did you cheat on her with someone close to her? Does it matter who hurt the other? Does it matter that you tried to apologize? The truth is, we've all hurt someone that we truly loved and cared for at some point in our lives. Unfortunately pain is a nasty poison, it erodes the bonds of friendship and annihilates even the most enduring of relationships.

What is surprising is, it hurts you more to see your loved one suffering, than your loved one suffers for your mistake. Tears follow, along with a feeling of fatality. The more you try to reach out to your loved one, the more they draw away, the more miserable you become. You try desperately by every means to patch things up with your loved one, but all fails. You look to the heavens and feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. You try so hard, you try so hard...

Sometimes you will not know why your beloved withdraws from you. Sometimes, you will miss the very pieces of the puzzle that you need to figure out the mystery. But do you know what the worst pain is? The worst pain is knowing what you did that caused it and not knowing if they will ever forgive you for it.

These indeed are some of the darkest moments in one's life, when you realize you lost a good relationship that you may never gain again. Our worst fear is that we will never be forgiven and our deeds never forgotten. This is especially bad for many of us since our sense of self-value comes from what the people closest to us perceive about us.

Take heart my child, time heals all souls and if that person truly loves you, they will always care and they will forgive - even if you never see it on their exterior. Love is a strange thing, always remember...

Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs....