Goofy Dates :-)

Baby, you don't have to try to read my mind

Cause you know I wanna get it in...

"Body 2 Body" - Ace Hood ft Chris Brown

Have you ever been goofy on a date? Goofy? You ask. Why yes my good man. Have you ever been to a date where you just kept doing small dumb acts? It's not like you were not aware of them it's more like you couldn't help yourself. Stop blushing, just smile quietly and admit the answer in your own heart. The truth is I have. It was a blind date and if you've been on a few of those then you know there's not a lot to look forward to. Still, you are in a new city and have got lots of time to kill so not why try the blind date thing.

You arrive at the spot the two of you are supposed to meet right on time and start to play games on you phone in anticipation of her impending lateness. You are snapped sharply back to reality by a soft jab barely minutes into your game. You look up and find yourself gaping. You quickly catch yourself and regain your composure. "Hi there," you say smoothly. "Hi," she says back. This drop dead gorgeous lady is smiling up at you with her milk-white teeth expectantly. You gather your thoughts and quickly convince yourself that she, like yourself - is a tourist who is lost and needs to find out where she is. Bracing yourself for the questions on directions that you must answer, you start to say, "Can I help you?" 

"Yeah actually, can we go in now?" she asks nodding to a classy club nearby. Hardly believing your ears but chuckling at your own luck, you go in to the club with her. The club isn't as full as you expected it, but the music is great. You soon find a suitable spot for the two of you to settle and you start to mingle.

The waitress comes by and you both order for drinks. The conversations starts slow but it picks up steadily, with the rising tempo of the music. Soon, you both start to laugh - she gets your sarcasm and you get her subtle jokes. As the music carries into the night, you start to dance. She is shy at first but soon she joins you on the dance floor. You are nothing short of delighted when she starts to grind on your nether regions. However, she goes further and blows you mind by showing you moves that even you - the party animal - do not know about. 

Finally you both get tired and you sit down. It's past midnight and you are both a little tipsy. You are running out of things to say but you don't want things to get awkward. This leads to your talking about your work. Most girls switch off at this juncture, especially when what you do is not the kind of thing people learn at school. To your amazement, she knows what you are talking about and she appreciates it. Well not all of it, but she knows quite a bit about your type of work. Beyond that, she can relate your work to hers. How cool is that? You can talk shop with a girl who is as hot as can be. This chic gets you one hundred percent. 

Now however, she falls silent and watches you intently as if studying you. The night is half gone and you are both tired. If this were a normal hook up, all you would have to do is catch a taxi and let nature do the rest. However, everything is different now. This is actually a person you like and whom you sense is looking for more than just a booty call. Ordinarily you wouldn't care either way, even if communicating your carnal intentions lost you her affections but tonight you care.

My friend, that is the very beginning of the goofy date. You start to say things that are a little private that may be should have been reserved for a second or third date. You get vulnerable with her. Of course she reciprocates a little. Whether it is the wine or your own naivete, you start to believe that you are making progress. In reality, you are eroding the very gains that you made when you spoke with her first and took her to the dance floor.

Fast forward to the end of the date. The club is closing and you all have to leave, you want to get her a taxi and say goodbye but something in your system says no. You know you only have one more day in the city and you probably won't see her in a while after you leave but you also know that if you invite her back to your place she might perceive it as inappropriate. The conflict builds up within you and almost without meaning to, you blurt out that you want her to come back to your place with you!

Now that the words are out, you have to stick to them for if not, you will come across as something worse - the indecisive man. The die is cast, let the cards fall where they may. Instead of over-reacting or simply agreeing, she does something quite different. She smiles and says that may be you can meet up the next day at the same time.

You now know that she is not repulsed by the potentially mischievous thought in your mind. You decide to give it another shot, after all the gentle flame melts the wax. Besides, you know tomorrow will never come and you wish to consummate your lovely date with a blissful event. She looks deeply into your eyes and you proceed. Long story short, you end up at another place where you have more fun and say more stupid things but still end up with no cookie :-( 

We all have goofy dates. I used the role of a man in this story but the truth is I have seen both scenarios take place. I once took a friend out for dinner at a popular restaurant. We took a special section of the restaurant that was normally reserved for special events. We thought that we were alone at first but then a shrill laugh filled the air. There in the corner of the restaurant was a couple. We didn't bother with them since it's normal to see couples out on dates but with time we found it hard to ignore this couple.

The lady kept laughing at everything the man said even before he completed his sentences. In addition, she kept staring dreamily into his eyes as if expecting a miracle ring to pop out from them. She lay partly on him inching ever closer to his face. The man did not seem to be all that entertained. He occasionally smiled but that was about it.

The point is, from time to time, we all find that we are overly attracted to someone and we sometimes do nonsensical things, rookie mistakes that we otherwise would have avoided. All am trying to say is, when it happens to you don't beat yourself up too much.

Friends & Love

In each tear

There's a lesson, (there's a lesson)

Make you wiser than before (wiser)

In each tear (each tear)

Brings you closer to your dreams

No mistake, No heartbreak

Can take away what you're meant to be

Each Tear - Mary J Blige

Hey guys, it's been a while. I've been busy with a lot of other stuff. I know, that's such a cliche. On to my story then. Do you know how much fun it is to go out with a lady and do everything right? From the venue, to the music, to the food and the conversation all the way to the end of the date. Its even more fun when you are being yourself, when you don't have to pretend to be someone you are not. When you can just talk about anything and you still connect with the other person. When you can be "real with them" as I like to put it.

Getting the second date right, that's great. You get the third one right and its official, you two are officially hooked to each other. Feels good right? Knowing that you mean so much to someone who means so much to you. Going out with them, getting to know them better. Sharing the good times with them, in a bar, in a swimming pool, on a picnic date, maybe even in the kitchen ;-). As the time passes, you find yourselves at opposite ends of a conflict and now you face the true test of a relationship. Will you survive the conflict as a couple? Or will you be like that couple you know who broke up after having such a great run? You get through it together and it leaves you stronger as a couple. With each passing day your commitment to each other becomes stronger until finally you are ready to take the first step towards a lasting commitment - marriage. 

You walk down the aisle and exchange your vows. The after party is great but you leave early to catch your honeymoon. You finally have what you've always dreamed of - a partner to share in all of your dreams and in all of life's struggles. Someone to have and to hold, through the good times and the bad and they will always be there for you. You will never walk alone again...

It would be nice if life was this simple. If like in the movie, Hotel Transylvania -  you could tell when you met somebody whether they were meant for you or not. The truth is though that this is not a movie, it is real life and in real life people get disappointed a lot. In real life, relationships that seem like they were destined to be, fail. In real life, people lose their loved ones to other less worthy opponents. In real life, you meet someone you love with all your soul just to find that they don't feel the same. In real life, people tag you along only later to disappoint you. In real life, each tear is a lesson.

In this life we go through a lot, both in relationships and in life in general. At work you may have a boss who doesn't give a damn about how hard you work. At home you may have siblings who depend on you. In business you may have bad employees who are untrustworthy, who steal from you no matter how many times you change them. Life is tough, but you have to be tougher. You deal with con-men and work colleagues who may be trying to pull you down in every possible way. In life there are jealous people, some of them relatives, others are masked as friends. There are people who won't mind when you are all at the same level or when you are at a lower socioeconomic level than they are. Once you rise above them though, envy arises. Then we have the others, the ones who are in your life for their convenience. "Friends" who will bail out on you as soon as they no longer have use for you. 

There are gossips, enemies, men of ill-intent, opportunists, pessimists, dream-killers all around us. The trouble is its not easy to tell who they are initially. Its kind of like being in a new relationship. You don't really know if the other person is in it for the fun. In time you learn that there are not that many friends who are truly friends and there is no one really that you can trust with everything. You come to learn to love yourself and to hold your cards close to your chest. It's never easy, in fact it is a heavy burden. This is the cross that we have to bear and though it is heavy, it hurts less than the alternatives - like being betrayed by people you trust.

On the other hand there are those who are not perfect, who have found that one to share in their sorrows and joys. They know each other's differences and appreciate them.Those who stick with each other even when it's not convenient or even conducive for them to be together. Those who survive the impossible and stay together through the rainy days. Those who fight and hate each other but still find it in their heart to forgive each other. Lastly we have those who were never meant to be, those who just end up together happily through some mysterious event. It is they that give us hope that one day that we too shall meet those we hope to meet. 

As always thanks for taking the time to read. Let me know your thoughts and comments.  

Saying Goodbye

Goodbye Michelle my little one,

You gave me love and helped me find the sun

And every time I was down

You would always come around

And get my feet back on the ground

Seasons in the sun - Westlife

Its valentines again, the season of love! Or so I hear. How have you been my dear readers? Well I hope you've been grand. Today I want to share with you about being merciful when it comes to goodbye. What was that folks? Did I get it right? Yes indeed! Being merciful and compassionate when saying goodbye. Before I go any further I would like to make it perfectly clear that I do not mean being merciful about saying goodbye to people who cheated on you or who for some reason you no longer have affections for. No, this article is dedicated to depicting the art of handling unrequited love.

For those of you not in the know, unrequited love is when you love or care for someone but they don't feel the same way or vice versa. From the moment we first feel the tender effusions of the heart, we feel that we've found something special, even someone special. Things soon begin to change. We act differently around that person, we talk differently around that person. This is especially true when we are young and thus so inept at hiding our desire. This indeed does make us seem odd. Not to ourselves but to others who know us and to the very person we desire. Though there are cases where this desire stimulates rather than repels the person we desire but such cases are rare.

More often rather, we are rebuffed by the very people we seek to charm and in hindsight learn to be more dextrous in courting the objects of our passion. We learn to mask our passions and our odd behaviours. Acting natural even when everything feels quite unnatural, becomes second nature to us. So good do we become at this that in time we learn to do the reverse, that is, pretending to be interested in someone when we really aren't. In time if we dedicate ourselves, then drawing attention from someone indirectly becomes quite easy.

It therefore comes as no surprise to those who have honed their skill of charming the people they want, when they suddenly discover they have unintentionally aroused another person's interest in them. Have I lost you? What I simply mean is that many times you will find that someone is completely taken by you, the only thing is that you most probably don't desire this person and hardly see them as more than a friend.

Quite often this person is a relative of a friend or even a much younger and in some cases a much older person. To some it is a shock, particularly if that person is not used to receiving attention from the opposite sex. In such case this person may be quite rude or point blank. In contrast, those who have experienced this quite often know the pitfalls to avoid. I claim to be no expert in this field but I will say they errors I have learned to avoid.

For Women

Women are curiously delicate creatures. They demand to be treated with care and regard. You may not brusquely or offhandedly suggest that she is only just a friend. To do so would be to cause grievous harm to her heart and risk provoking her to wrath. No when a woman is interested in you as in more than a friend, the best thing to do is not to relay the truth in a casual or direct way. You need to be a little more refined in the way you handle the whole affair. Do not encourage her! This would be a fatal mistake. To push her away would be another fatal mistake. How then to handle this strange dilemma you suddenly find yourself in particularly if she unwittingly embarrasses you in the worst possible times?

Its easy, do not encourage her but just little by little pull away from her. Say less and less around her. Be friendly but put an air of distance between the two of you. Women love hints even if these hints reveal ugly truths. Being gentle but firm, then is the way to go when you are trying to disentangle yourself from the web of her gallantry. She will get this hint fairly quickly and her passions for you might be soon extinguished. Do not be surprised. You may miss it, but don't reawaken her desire just because you miss her attention. You must see this through to the end.

For Men

Men are unruly creatures. They love challenges and all the glory that comes with surpassing themselves. Women often make the mistake of doing what they would prefer to be done for them. They are gentle, friendly but with an air of distance. They will show you affection at some point but then with hold it for a prolonged period of time. When the man seems to give up on his pursuits, then the woman becomes friendly again. Feeling that the woman is only challenging him, perhaps playing the game casually known as hard-to-get, the man redoubles his efforts to win the woman's heart. She draws further and further away drawing the hate and spitefulness of the man in the long run. You see the man does not understand that she is only trying to be a friend. He thinks that she is just trying to give him a hard time to see whether he really loves her. So when he has proven his love many times over and is still rebuffed and later accepted and rebuffed again, he gets tired and abandons the cause completely.

Ladies, I know its hard to believe but we men are not like you. We prefer the cold hard truth no matter how uncomfortable or painful it is. When you see us acting strangely and deduce for yourselves that we do so because we care then the correct thing to do if you do not feel the same would be to pose the question directly. Are you mad? I'm not going to ask him if he fancies me? He'll get the hint sooner or later! You say. No he won't. Ladies you love clues right, well here is a clue. When it comes to men, subtle hints don't work, big hints don't work, obvious hints don't work. Men are simple creatures, we are not as complicated and insightful as women who can easily decipher the complex social codes that women use in their communication. We like things straight up. Few, indeed hardly any women in today's society know how important it is to ask a man who wants to be more than a friend how he truly feels about her. Once the man admits his feelings then let him know that you don't feel the same. Here, let me mimic a conversation between the two of you.

"Hi Lisa, how are you doing?"

"Oh hi George. I'm fine, you?"

"I'm much better now that I've seen you, thanks."

"Errr...ok ."

"Has anyone ever told you you have the prettiest eyes?"

Lisa smiles to herself.

"By the way, can I take you out to lunch today?"

Lisa quickly looks around and smiles briefly again, but this time to George. 

"No, unfortunately I've been a little busy lately."

"Oh ok." George says looking slightly crestfallen.

"I'll see you around then." Says Lisa.

"See you." George says.

Later when they meet again...

"Hi Lisa."

To herself. "Oh no!" Then brightly to George.

"Hi there."

"Hey I have these tickets to tonight's concert, I thought we could go together."

Lisa biting her lip as if deciding on how exactly to respond.

George notices. "Is something wrong?"

"Well, its just that...well..."

She pauses. Then in a slower voice. "George, do you have a crush on me?"

George looks fleetingly at her for a moment, then cast his eyes on the ground.

"Well, yes actually." He says slightly shuffling his feet.

Lisa with a patronizing look. "George I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way."

George now looks thoroughly shocked and heavily disappointed.

She walks away wordlessly

George may be astounded now but later, maybe even a day later, he will be grateful. They will continue to be friends, unless of course George is immature. Notice that she did not say "...but we can be friends." Ladies let me tell you, few things in life hurt more than those five little words. Its like you are saying. "Look here, you will never measure up to the standard of being my boyfriend. You will never be man enough to be the man my heart desires. You are good only as a friend, nothing more!" Its not what you are saying but it is what he will hear. It does seem hard to believe the direct approach is better, but try it sometime and see whether I am lying to you. In contrast, if you treat him the way you would want to be dissuaded then your chances at friendship are remote at best.

When you are the one in love...

Finally my dear readers, if you suspect that you are the one who isn't loved then it is even easier. As a man you need to make your intentions very clear. Not by blurting them out, but by using bold hints in courting her. If you are not successful in getting her attention in the first few attempts then question your approach. Secondly you need to take her out on a date and ask her to be your girl within the first three dates. You must be swift and bold, completely unafraid but smart and cunning at the same time. Sure women want a prince charming but you my friend have to be smart and prepared just in case things go sideways. Besides, its not the end of the world if she rejects you. 

If you are a lady then just find little but noticeable ways of letting him know that you are interested. If he doesn't notice then he is either unworthy of your love or not interested. Either way you save a lot of grace and dignity by moving on quickly from such a man. Men love challenges, if you don't give him one then don't expect to be pursued. If you embolden your efforts, you may indeed find that he accepts you but trust me, the chances that he is just in it for the ride and doesn't really care are fairly high.

I hope that you will find this article useful. I wish you success in all your endeavours to win the hearts and affections of your true love...

THE FRIENDZONE

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion,
enmity, worship, love, but no friendship

                                                         - Oscar Wilde

Hello my good friends. Enjoying the holidays? I sure hope so. Today I want to talk to you about this very finicky issue called "The Friendzone". This is a dreaded word for men, mostly because it is the mental and emotional emasculation of a man. To friendzone a man is to tell him in not so many words that he is not good enough for you. It is to entomb him in the dust of his own unworthiness. Men have nothing but hatred for the friendzone. Any man who loves the friendzone is probably too scared to go after what he loves.

Lets start from the bottom. How does the friendzone start. What happens at the very beginning that binds a man in the iron chains of the friendzone? Why oh why, man, is it that every girl you start to like, ends up putting you in the inescapable prison so rightly dubbed the friendzone? Is it that girls don't know what is good for them? Or could it be that you just don't have what it takes to be the man the ladies want? 

"What do you mean by that? I am a nice guy but i don't let people walk all over me," you say. "Oh I've got what it takes, she just can't see it yet!" Really? I'm curious. When you first met, how did you react. Were you polite, rude, gentlemanly? Did you stare? Did you keep smiling at her? Come on, don't hold out on me. Did you spend more time with her than with anyone else? Wait, don't tell me...you asked for her number. 

No, well good for you, maybe she was never interested. If yes well maybe now you know why you are in the friendzone. What's that? You still don't get it? Ok, maybe I can demystify this little conundrum for you. Suppose you meet a girl at a social gathering. She's nice, well dressed and quite good looking. But whenever you meet in a group she starts to laugh at everything you say even if its not funny. At other times she laughs harder than usual and at some point its almost like she's forcing the laughter. She keeps staring into your eyes and she gets nervous whenever you address her. At the end of the night she finds you alone and whispers that she likes you and looks up at you expectantly. If you are a man and you are weird you just might say yes that you like her too. Most men however will spend a great deal of time and effort avoiding this girl. Why?

Well the obvious reason is she seems desperate. Desperation in turn makes her odd. That is exactly how you seem when you start to do some things. Like when you are too nice to her even though you barely know her. Like when you start acting like she's your girl when she shows you a little affection. Like when you ask for her number after only meeting her once. Like when you spend most of your time around her like you have nothing else to do. Nobody likes to be seen as weird and being with a weird person does make you weird.

As a man, you rarely notice when you are being weird around a girl. You talk a lot, you smile a lot. You try to defend her even from the simplest jokes which perhaps offend you but do not offend her. You are too courteous to her. However, to everyone else its plain to see. It makes you look awkward and naive. Couple this with shyness and it makes you unbearable. As a man, you shouldn't let this happen if you can help it.

So what should you do to navigate this scylla and charybdis. After all, if you act over confident you may turn her off but if you act timid, you get friendzoned altogether. Well its quite simple just be confident. "I am a confident person," you say. Well maybe you are, but there are things that might have you pegged for a shy nice guy such as the things I've just mentioned above. Being confident does not mean that you should be arrogant. There are many who confuse arrogance for boldness, not so. That quiet, calm self-assured manner in which you carry yourself should be more than enough to send the message which you so desperately wish to send. After all, why should she be the catch? Why can't you be the catch.

Maybe my article isn't making sense to you yet or maybe it does but my advice may so far seem a bit far fetched even impractical. Well let me take it further. Most men get friendzoned at some point in life so don't get discouraged. Don't throw in the towel and start to make a pity party just because its been years and you still aren't dating or making it past the friendzone. Even the most refined men of our society have been in your shoes, maybe for a much shorter time but still, they all had the phase.

First of all, you need honest friends. Friends who tell you like it is without sugar coating anything. Don't get me wrong, not friends who put you down but friends who get real with you when things like rejection and friendzones happen to you. Friends who are not afraid to tell you that they think maybe your new girl just wants a good time and that she doesn't really like you. Friends who are willing to admit to you that once upon a time they had a weak moment too. Friends who will look you straight in the eye and tell you that the girl of your dreams might not be who she seems. These friends will teach you to be confident, to be really you no matter who you are around. To not try to hide the person that you are. These friends will teach you how to disguise or perhaps even alter your roguish qualities. For no man can see his own faults, we all need to be shown the way sometimes.

Secondly, you need to start valuing yourself a little more. You probably wouldn't be too nice to that debutante if you didn't think that she was in some way better than you would you. Now hold on here, I don't mean that you should look down upon people, in fact I discourage it. I mean stop approaching a woman that you barely know like she's so special all of a sudden. Just treat her like a regular girl. In that way you show to her and to others that you've met others like her, you've been around and but yet in some way find her interesting. Speak like you know what you are talking about, don't be cocky, don't exaggerate but know your stuff.

Thirdly don't shower her with too much attention. A woman knows when you are interested but everything in love and seduction depends on suggestion, little, subtle hints. I have said it before and I will say it again, winning a woman's affection is like conquering a citadel. Have you heard of a general who beats a city by making known his plans to overcome the city? In the same way, you must be like the general who is only known by the citadel he has ravaged. Everyone likes to be seduced, especially women. Show her a little charm this time, act indifferently at other times, then maybe confide in her as a friend, just a little...set up ambiguous signals. Whatever you do, don't make your intentions clear unless you wish to forfeit your chance with her. In time she will sense that you are playing a game, this will only make you more attractive to her. For sometimes anything is more desirable than the boredom of security.

Lastly don't wait for too long to make your move. Find a way to let her know that you are interested in her. Not too subtle; your move must be a gallant one or it will be seen as cowardly. Don't wait months, don't stalk her, don't give her hints on facebook like sending funny pictures. Whether you use social media or prefer the good old fashioned mano a mano thing, it doesn't matter. Just be confident when you do make your move.

There's not a lot of things to remember when you like a girl, just remember to be confident and be yourself. Everything else will work itself out. Don't be afraid to be rejected, but leave the friendzone to those who are too scared to chase after what they want.

When She Is Too Good For You

Sometimes love comes around

(Love comes around)

And it knocks you down

Just get back up

When it knocks you down

(Knocks you down)

Sometimes love comes around

(Love comes around)

And it knocks you down

Just get back up

When it knocks you down...

- Knock you down by Keri Hilson ft Kanye West, Neyo

Hello my dear readers. It's been a while since my last article; I appreciate you taking this time to read my articles, I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. Have you ever had a partner who was perfect? Someone you never dreamed of having in a million years yet somehow he/she is attracted to you. She is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with and no matter how bad things get, if she is happy then you are happy. Tell me, are you feeling this way now about someone?

It's a lovely feeling to encounter, the world just seems to be better place. So many dreams become seemingly plausible. You suddenly begin to think of things such as marriage, children, holiday-getaways and erotic moments. You talk endlessly about her and the things she wants in life and all your friends know about how you feel for her. Even her friends know of your gallant advances on her.

Some people even take it a step further and introduce their mates to their parents well before engagement or any formalized union. To the other partner this is a serious sign of commitment and a step in the right direction for the couple. This is a bold step indeed, for men generally only take home a woman whom they respect and who would be respected by his parents and relatives. Now I know some ladies have an issue with the use of the word "respect" here - before you cast judgement let me be clear. A man will say anything to get into your pants. He may be interested in you as a person but as is often the case, he is only just looking for a good time. He may not like you. He may not even want to be seen with you. In such a case he might arrange for you to meet him at a spot that he doesn't frequent, that is, somewhere clandestine. After the pick-up you'll go for drinks and whether it's the first date or the third when you inadvertently end up in his bed, his business with you will be concluded if he only wanted fun.

In some cases, he may continue to pursue you a few more times before formally dropping the pretence. He doesn't want you to take it personally so he may say he needs some space or he needs to work on his marriage or he'll give some other flimsy excuse that lets you know you are no longer in the picture. Sometimes he may not even bother to pick up your calls or return your emails. Maybe you may even bump into him with someone else sometime only for you to find out later that he was already married.

It is therefore a shock for most women who get pregnant then confront the fathers only for the fathers to deny this blatantly. Usually a man will accuse the woman of sleeping with other men even if when he met her she was a virgin. While this is sometimes true and the lady seeks to be with this man only for economic security, many times the lady confronts the real father of her soon-to-be-born child.

So why does the father so hotly deny the woman's claims. There are a number of reasons to this, I doubt that even a book could address them all let alone this article but here are a few. Firstly, it may be because he never cared about you. You were just a challenge. Maybe you were a virgin who had resisted many and so your reputation found its way to his ears and he listened. It maybe that he took a passing fancy to you but that after having you in bed a few times like Judah with Tamar, he detests you.

Secondly, it might be because you are beautiful. Now before you demand for your pound of flesh let me say that beauty is not a curse. What I simply mean is that sometimes a man wants to get with you for no other reason but for your ravishing looks. Isn't this so ironical? I mean if he slept with you because you are beautiful why doesn't he want to be with you anymore? You are still beautiful right? Well yes but men are cautious because him continuing to sleep with you represents some form of commitment. Powerful men avoid this because everyone knows that it is easier to avoid commitment than to get out of it.

Thirdly it might be revenge. Shocking isn't it? I can imagine all sorts of questions popping up in your head. Revenge? Why? What did I ever do to him? More often than not it has nothing to do with you and it has everything to do with the people in his life. Maybe he grew up feeling rejected being unpopular. But then he grows up into a handsome charming and successful man, but the unresolved issues linger. Sometimes someone made them terminally ill and they vow to avenge themselves to other innocent people. Maybe someone you are close to offended him - especially his girlfriend who is your friend; and he knows that by sleeping with you he will injure that person's pride. The list of reasons is endless, if you've been there I hope you find your closure.

To continue with my original theme. As a man you may consider your fortunes to have changed. You may feel that the universe is smiling down at you. Yet deep down you know  those fearful thoughts creep up on you. You know that she is too good for you. You feel like you tricked her into loving you and you feel like if you lose her you will lose the only good thing you ever had. For you are not new to rejection. You fear the day that she will wake up from her abstraction, her dream and realize how so very banal you are - and it happens. So when it happens your world comes crumbling down.

Some people are not strong enough to deal with this. They end up assigning themselves to the gallows or they resolve to finding an escape at the bottom of a bottle if you know what I mean. Things do not bode well for people who are not strong in matters of the heart. For love and the effusions of the heart are by nature not logical or sound. They cause one to do many meaningless things and no one is safe. Anyone can be affected, no matter how high their station in life.

Millionaires have lost their wealth pursuing damsels mistakenly thinking that the same skills that brought them prosperity in business will aid them in acquiring the love of the women they pursue. The truth is such skills do not work in the arena of romance. For while business requires a clear strategy with lots of logical thinking and planning, matters of romance are not so rigidly set in stone.

For those who have been left by someone, if you have been used, abused, accused and excused - don't worry. I know it may seem that the clouds are dark and you are drowning in the ocean of your own misery and sorrow but take heart. Know this, that many more have come before you and each of them had to deal with their pain. How they dealt with their pain is what differentiated them. How do you deal with it? You let go. "Easy for you to say, you've never been there. You don't know how I feel!" Actually I have been there and it took me months to even consider moving on.

It took everything I had just not to break down and relinquish hope. She was first thing I thought of when I woke up and I always slept to her thoughts. I wondered what could have been. I wondered if she would fall asleep again under the spell of my love. I half-hoped that she would, half-hoped that she would not because I knew it was over. Whenever I was sad I wanted to call her. Whenever I was happy her number would flash into my mind. I would go to town and as I walked the streets I hoped I would catch her eye. Time heals all souls my friend. Every setback is just a comeback waiting to happen. When I finally did get over her, I met people who I would never have dreamed of knowing or even associating with. I was no longer desperate for someone else's love or approval rather I revel in meeting new, successful people every day. It will be a brighter day if you just hold on. "Hold on to what I feel like I'm on quicksand, the ground beneath me is swallowing me! I'm falling to pieces!" Hold on to the hope that there is a deeper meaning to all this because I promise you there is.

Memories of Nobody

"I shouldn't have walked away
I would have stayed if you said
We could have made everything ok
But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The final blow hit so low
I'm still on the ground..."

- Angel's Cry By Mariah Carey Ft Neyo

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," William Congreve once said. Men and women have different levels of anger. When a man is angry to the limit, he may grab his woman, shake her like a flask of porridge or even abuse her verbally. I do not support violence. However, when a woman is angry, she will say the most hurtful thing she can think of. This is what William meant when he made this comment. Nearly 300 years later, we acknowledge this fact. 

Ladies, men love you, treasure you and value you but you need to know that men have limits. Women are very loving and forgiving, they will remember everything you said in an argument a year down the line. This is why men are so precarious when speaking to a woman when she is angry - because long after they've forgotten about it, women will remember. They will not just remember but they will connect your actions, discover a pattern and associate that with an emotion. Men like to avoid this.

Men on the other hand are very forgetful. A man will forget your birthday, your anniversary, the age of your children and many other things. In the same vein he will forget your messes, your mistakes and your drama. However, in the life of a couple there are challenges. You will fight, let me reassure you of that. If you can fight with your brother or sister with whom you have grown up with then you will also fight with your better half. 

It is at these times that you  need to be very careful because even though men will forget MOST of what you say, they will not forget what you say if you hit below the belt. Of these actions, none is more potent in destroying a relationship than questioning a man's ability to provide for his own. The core of a man is his ability to provide, so to question this even in passing or in jest, especially when he is in dire financial straits - is to kick him when he is down. He will not forget this, he will not let it go. It is worse than beating him or abusing him. Ladies, it is the equivalent of him casting aspersions upon your physical beauty. Take the example of a barren woman. What if she accidentally hurts a child and the mother of that baby says to her, "Its no wonder you are not a mother, you suck at it!" Such is the power of doubting a man's ability to provide.

This will be the sign that you have truly offended him, he will fall silent even when you are eating together at the table. He will come home, but not at his usual hours. He will not touch the food you cook for him. This is if you are married. If you are not married then he will simply ignore you. He will consign you to ignominy. He will act as if you never existed in the first place. You will be eternally banished from his mind. To the world he may act normal, but at home he will never be the same. If this man is an alcoholic, he may drink harder. I cannot tell you all the things that a man will do when you dare to deign his ability to cater for his own - however, you should know that if you do it may well be the beginning of the end.

Ladies, a man's ego is very delicate. You must tread cautiously when it comes to this one thing. There are things that men cannot deal with, they deal with them by expunging them from their minds and if you are the cause of this distress, then your fate is sealed.

So when does the magic of love wither?

Goodbye to you my trusted friend...

We've known each other since we were nine or ten

Together we have climbed hills and trees

Learned of love and ABC's

Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees...

When a man loves a woman, he accepts her as she is and loves her despite all her faults and eccentricities. When a woman loves a man, she desires to enhance him, to improve him, to make him more than he ever dreamed he could be. I heard someone say that when a man loves a woman it is good; when a woman loves a man it is beautiful but when two people love one another it is magical.

So when does the magic of love wither? I've heard many couples say upon their divorce that their primary reason for parting with one another is "irreconcilable differences." Yet looking at their wedding videos and their wedding albums one would indeed be forced to conclude that love is eternally binding even against the most insurmountable odds. I have indeed brooded over this for a long time and this is what I have found.

A woman wants her man to be better, not because she finds fault with him but because over time all things change and women love it when their men improve with age. They love to see their men overcome great odds, and go on to become victorious in life. This serves many good purposes, the best of which perhaps is to set a good example for their children to follow.

A man accepts his beloved with all her imperfections and strange tendencies because though she may not be perfect, she is perfect for him. I am not saying that our mistakes and imperfections make us more desirable to our partners; I am saying that our mistakes, our strange fetishes and unspeakables....they all form part of who we really are. Once in a life time ladies, you may find someone who sees you exactly as you really are but who loves you all the more for who you are. Someone who makes you feel proud to be who you are. Someone who makes you feel whole and fulfilled. Someone you can share your dreams and worldly cares with. Someone who won't laugh at your crazy ideas or dismiss you just because you are talking about things they can't relate to. Instead this someone will encourage you. He will make you want to dream more. He won't only encourage you, but he will support your dreams and give voice to all your hopes. No matter how tough it gets to be with each other, he will stay by your side and try to make sense of what he can. What I mean is, he will try to understand you.

Lets take a step back and see what we have here. A man who loves his woman and does not want her to change because she is perfect for him; and a woman who loves her man and wants him to change because she loves him dearly. How can two people who love each other so much have many differences in the way they love one another? Isn't this all the more complicated because people tend to give the kind of love that they expect to receive?

You don't believe me? You don't believe that people tend to give the kind of love that they expect to receive? So why do married men say their wives have changed? Why do married women say that men never change? In the midst of all this, what is love? If love for one person means changing and for the other person it means not changing then what do these couples truly share?

Believe me, this is love. This is how it works even if no one fully understands it. Life and death, day and night, fire and ice, creation and destruction, sun and moon. All these things are examples of extremes but they all have one thing in common, they all form CYCLES. Have you ever wondered why the wedding ring was made almost perfectly cylindrical? It is because love was never meant to end. 

Restlessness, jealousy, quarrels, making of friends again,spitefulness,all are the food for love

- Ninon De Lenclos