Of Love & Heartstrings

When God made you, He must have been thinking about me…

When God Made You – Newsong

You ever wonder what happened to the theory that a man is supposed to locate his missing rib? Since a man lacks one rib on one side of his torso, it is said that, that one rib is the missing woman. The rib that God took in order to create Eve. Is it all just a fable? Is there really such a thing as the one or are we deluding ourselves? Is there that one person who can fulfill our desires, end our loneliness and bring us total happiness? That is an age-old question of which the answers are as varied as they are many.

I cannot honestly claim to be an expert in this but here’s what I have found:

• Happiness is an inside job – No matter how many special people you meet in your life you will always find that the buck stops with you when it comes to happiness. 

• You can be special to someone sometime but not all the time – We all wish to find someone special. Someone who chooses us over everyone else no matter what. The truth is that even when we meet that person, there will still be those times when we feel that they are siding with someone else over us or that something in their lives that takes priority over us. This is usually not something that affects men as much as it affects women. Women tend to be very sensitive when they feel de-prioritized. One example is when you get home and want to watch the news rather than talk to your wife. If this becomes a habit then over time she will come to feel unloved.  

• Loneliness is bad but what is worse is being with someone who makes you feel lonely – At the end of the day, the person who makes you feel most special is also the one who can make you feel most unloved. Socrates once said, ‘By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.’ 

• It’s not just about love, it is also about compatibility – No matter how much the two of you love each other, if you do not share core values; as in family values, parenting models and the like, you won’t be very happy together.

• Your partner does not complete you, they complement you – Unlike poles attract. This is very true even outside the world of physics. Outside of core values, it is important for two people who are interested in each other to be different. However, you should always be a happy and well-rounded person before seeking a mate. If you are unhappy when you are single, then you will be unhappy with your partner. This will also keep you from being overly dependent on your partner. 

• Everyone will hurt you in the end, find someone worth suffering for – It is often said that some people walk into our lives and leave their footprints in our hearts. This is very true. It is also true that no one is perfect and eventually either willfully or without meaning to, people will hurt us. There are those people who are so dear to us that we can easily forgive them, those people who we would do so much for even at a moment’s request. Let me tell you now that even among your friends, those are the people you eventually want in your life.

Finally, permit me to say that honesty, caring, trust and commitment are the pillars of any stable relationship. You cannot have a relationship where trust is lacking. Trust is built on honesty. Caring fosters trust and allows people to give each other second chances. Commitment will get you through the rough days. Till next time, whether you are single or not, be happy