Growing up...

Life is too short for a long story 

                                                                                          - Lady Montagu

Growing up is a strange experience, full of memories, some sad and sombre others happy and fulfilling. As I write this article I remember washing my clothes as a child, with the radio playing loud South African music from within the house. The sun is shining brightly down on my mother and I. My father is in the house. We learned to do the house chores at an early age, my brother and I. We were always fighting over who was supposed to do what. In particular we both hated feeding the cows. None of us loved serving boiling hot, rotten cabbages to a drove of cows in the hot sun. However, the job had to be done and the task often fell upon me as he was the stronger brother.

I loved washing the dishes and helping my mother with carrying the groceries. She often had to do these tasks alone and I despised that it was so. Of course she could hire a maid and for some time she did, but my brother and I hated the maids' cooking. Mother's cooking was best and if the price to pay for only eating her food was helping out with house chores then my brother and I were much obliged.

We learned a lot of lessons growing up in a poor suburban neighbourhood. The ball was made of many polythene papers that were compressed and tied up with a manila rope. If the ball's owner didn't show up then we couldn't play. Similarly if he got called home early then we couldn't continue to play for he would carry his ball home with him. We had no fields to play in and we were never allowed to go far from home and as a result we had to play in the back-roads near home.

When there was no ball to play with, we made fayas (handheld catapults) and shot down birds. Our neighbourhood was filled with boys, there were no girls our age where I grew up so we only did boyish things like challenging each other to see who could wink more or who could whistle the loudest. In a manner characteristic to all men, we often delighted in sharing our "vast" knowledge on topics such as the latest Musso car. Of course if you knew much about anything "manly" you earned some respect. We discussed everything, from military training to clubs - though at the time I didn't really understand what a club was.

My father often told me that the best time of his life was when he was a child. Now that I am an adult who works to meet his own needs I understand why he said that. As a child he must have had lots of friends and he could do whatever he wanted, when he wanted for so long as he did not disobey his parents. As a child, the concept of responsibility is foreign to one except if that child is a firstborn child in their family. Life moves very slowly as a child, but as an adult it moves fleetingly fast and one never has enough time for all their friends. The result is that one loses a lot of friends.

As an adult, Newtons third law of motion becomes real and immutable - Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Everything you do has a consequence. Nothing in life is wasted. As I listen to South African music while I write this article, I remember what my father tried to teach me in not so many words that where I am today is the result of my actions yesterday and tomorrow is where I will be because of what I do today.

The truth is rarely simple and never pure

                         - Oscar Wilde

Taking Life One Day At A Time

“…I have walked that long road to freedom

I have tried not to falter; I have made missteps along the way

But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill,

One only finds more hills to climb”

- Nelson Mandela

I have always been fascinated by the resilience of this great and influential man. I admire not only his resilience but his fortitude and boldness in the face of fearsome odds. Where many men would have given up, this man saw hope. Where others would have seen only darkness and despair, he saw a continuation of the struggle for liberation.

For those who are not familiar with Nelson Mandela, he is the founding father of South Africa. The man you see in the picture above spent nearly three decades in what can only be described as a combination of a harsh prison and an intolerable labour camp – the prison at Robben Island. Though he was imprisoned in a remote island where his family was rarely allowed to visit; though the white government did it’s best to frustrate him and his family. Though he lost his mother and his first born son while in prison and was not allowed to bury them, this man never gave up. He walked the talk, he ran the race and he won the prize.

His life has served as an example for many of us that in this life, there are not only good things but also bad things to come. In his life we see that it is not always clear which course of action is right to take until the consequences start to show. His hardships show that indeed there is such a thing as the greater good.

In our own lives we grow up differently. Some grow up being picked on by others in school, others grow up as bullies and still others grow up as faces in the crowd. Some learn to take criticism positively in the early years of their lives. Others learn this later, sadly, some never do. Those especially that are pampered as children never quite learn to deal with the pressures of life.

Life comes in many tastes, flavours and colours. For some people life will be hard from the beginning. For many, life starts out easy then grows steadily more difficult. Learning to lose early teaches us the value of patience and renewed effort. The games we learn as children teach us critical life lessons in a very simple and fun way. Lessons like teamwork, and life values such as winning and losing, allowing others to win.

It’s not so easy to stick to these values when we are older, when letting the other person get the credit might mean that they get that promotion that you’ve been eyeing eagerly for over a year. It’s also not that easy to work as a team when your work as part of a team is not appreciated and your job depends on it. Life would be easy if that is all we had to worry about but there are other things as well.

Growing up, we have many friends surrounding us. We generally only lose true friends when their families move away and we lose touch. However, as adults we lose friends just by getting busy. This is a big blow in life because friends are our support system. They are the ones that give us a chance to relax and relieve the deep stress that sometimes haunts us at work. Ever had a boss shout at you? Ever had your salary delayed? Ever been berated like a child in front of your juniors? Having friends allows us to absorb the shocks of life as they come. However, there is a time in everyone’s life when they must stand alone.

Your friends can’t always deal with your drama. They won’t always be there to hold your hand and listen. They won’t always have a shoulder for you to lean on when you are not strong. Sometimes they too have their own battles to fight. In your life it may come to a time when you need to stand alone for a period much longer than you were originally prepared to face. Disaster strikes in the most unexpected ways. Your wife dies when you are still young, or perhaps it is your first child – how can anyone help you to deal with this? They can sympathize but they can’t really understand what you are going through or share your pain.

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy

- Proverbs 14:10 (NIV)

We must therefore strive to emulate those who have gone before us and succeeded. We must live not necessarily as they have lived, but following the principles that they lived by. This one principle no one can teach you. You do not learn it in childhood games, or through initiation rites. This principle can only be learned by experience. Stand alone and stand strong, for if you do not give up, you too will one day raise up your fist in victory and grandeur. 

Goofy Dates :-)

Baby, you don't have to try to read my mind

Cause you know I wanna get it in...

"Body 2 Body" - Ace Hood ft Chris Brown

Have you ever been goofy on a date? Goofy? You ask. Why yes my good man. Have you ever been to a date where you just kept doing small dumb acts? It's not like you were not aware of them it's more like you couldn't help yourself. Stop blushing, just smile quietly and admit the answer in your own heart. The truth is I have. It was a blind date and if you've been on a few of those then you know there's not a lot to look forward to. Still, you are in a new city and have got lots of time to kill so not why try the blind date thing.

You arrive at the spot the two of you are supposed to meet right on time and start to play games on you phone in anticipation of her impending lateness. You are snapped sharply back to reality by a soft jab barely minutes into your game. You look up and find yourself gaping. You quickly catch yourself and regain your composure. "Hi there," you say smoothly. "Hi," she says back. This drop dead gorgeous lady is smiling up at you with her milk-white teeth expectantly. You gather your thoughts and quickly convince yourself that she, like yourself - is a tourist who is lost and needs to find out where she is. Bracing yourself for the questions on directions that you must answer, you start to say, "Can I help you?" 

"Yeah actually, can we go in now?" she asks nodding to a classy club nearby. Hardly believing your ears but chuckling at your own luck, you go in to the club with her. The club isn't as full as you expected it, but the music is great. You soon find a suitable spot for the two of you to settle and you start to mingle.

The waitress comes by and you both order for drinks. The conversations starts slow but it picks up steadily, with the rising tempo of the music. Soon, you both start to laugh - she gets your sarcasm and you get her subtle jokes. As the music carries into the night, you start to dance. She is shy at first but soon she joins you on the dance floor. You are nothing short of delighted when she starts to grind on your nether regions. However, she goes further and blows you mind by showing you moves that even you - the party animal - do not know about. 

Finally you both get tired and you sit down. It's past midnight and you are both a little tipsy. You are running out of things to say but you don't want things to get awkward. This leads to your talking about your work. Most girls switch off at this juncture, especially when what you do is not the kind of thing people learn at school. To your amazement, she knows what you are talking about and she appreciates it. Well not all of it, but she knows quite a bit about your type of work. Beyond that, she can relate your work to hers. How cool is that? You can talk shop with a girl who is as hot as can be. This chic gets you one hundred percent. 

Now however, she falls silent and watches you intently as if studying you. The night is half gone and you are both tired. If this were a normal hook up, all you would have to do is catch a taxi and let nature do the rest. However, everything is different now. This is actually a person you like and whom you sense is looking for more than just a booty call. Ordinarily you wouldn't care either way, even if communicating your carnal intentions lost you her affections but tonight you care.

My friend, that is the very beginning of the goofy date. You start to say things that are a little private that may be should have been reserved for a second or third date. You get vulnerable with her. Of course she reciprocates a little. Whether it is the wine or your own naivete, you start to believe that you are making progress. In reality, you are eroding the very gains that you made when you spoke with her first and took her to the dance floor.

Fast forward to the end of the date. The club is closing and you all have to leave, you want to get her a taxi and say goodbye but something in your system says no. You know you only have one more day in the city and you probably won't see her in a while after you leave but you also know that if you invite her back to your place she might perceive it as inappropriate. The conflict builds up within you and almost without meaning to, you blurt out that you want her to come back to your place with you!

Now that the words are out, you have to stick to them for if not, you will come across as something worse - the indecisive man. The die is cast, let the cards fall where they may. Instead of over-reacting or simply agreeing, she does something quite different. She smiles and says that may be you can meet up the next day at the same time.

You now know that she is not repulsed by the potentially mischievous thought in your mind. You decide to give it another shot, after all the gentle flame melts the wax. Besides, you know tomorrow will never come and you wish to consummate your lovely date with a blissful event. She looks deeply into your eyes and you proceed. Long story short, you end up at another place where you have more fun and say more stupid things but still end up with no cookie :-( 

We all have goofy dates. I used the role of a man in this story but the truth is I have seen both scenarios take place. I once took a friend out for dinner at a popular restaurant. We took a special section of the restaurant that was normally reserved for special events. We thought that we were alone at first but then a shrill laugh filled the air. There in the corner of the restaurant was a couple. We didn't bother with them since it's normal to see couples out on dates but with time we found it hard to ignore this couple.

The lady kept laughing at everything the man said even before he completed his sentences. In addition, she kept staring dreamily into his eyes as if expecting a miracle ring to pop out from them. She lay partly on him inching ever closer to his face. The man did not seem to be all that entertained. He occasionally smiled but that was about it.

The point is, from time to time, we all find that we are overly attracted to someone and we sometimes do nonsensical things, rookie mistakes that we otherwise would have avoided. All am trying to say is, when it happens to you don't beat yourself up too much.

Friends & Love

In each tear

There's a lesson, (there's a lesson)

Make you wiser than before (wiser)

In each tear (each tear)

Brings you closer to your dreams

No mistake, No heartbreak

Can take away what you're meant to be

Each Tear - Mary J Blige

Hey guys, it's been a while. I've been busy with a lot of other stuff. I know, that's such a cliche. On to my story then. Do you know how much fun it is to go out with a lady and do everything right? From the venue, to the music, to the food and the conversation all the way to the end of the date. Its even more fun when you are being yourself, when you don't have to pretend to be someone you are not. When you can just talk about anything and you still connect with the other person. When you can be "real with them" as I like to put it.

Getting the second date right, that's great. You get the third one right and its official, you two are officially hooked to each other. Feels good right? Knowing that you mean so much to someone who means so much to you. Going out with them, getting to know them better. Sharing the good times with them, in a bar, in a swimming pool, on a picnic date, maybe even in the kitchen ;-). As the time passes, you find yourselves at opposite ends of a conflict and now you face the true test of a relationship. Will you survive the conflict as a couple? Or will you be like that couple you know who broke up after having such a great run? You get through it together and it leaves you stronger as a couple. With each passing day your commitment to each other becomes stronger until finally you are ready to take the first step towards a lasting commitment - marriage. 

You walk down the aisle and exchange your vows. The after party is great but you leave early to catch your honeymoon. You finally have what you've always dreamed of - a partner to share in all of your dreams and in all of life's struggles. Someone to have and to hold, through the good times and the bad and they will always be there for you. You will never walk alone again...

It would be nice if life was this simple. If like in the movie, Hotel Transylvania -  you could tell when you met somebody whether they were meant for you or not. The truth is though that this is not a movie, it is real life and in real life people get disappointed a lot. In real life, relationships that seem like they were destined to be, fail. In real life, people lose their loved ones to other less worthy opponents. In real life, you meet someone you love with all your soul just to find that they don't feel the same. In real life, people tag you along only later to disappoint you. In real life, each tear is a lesson.

In this life we go through a lot, both in relationships and in life in general. At work you may have a boss who doesn't give a damn about how hard you work. At home you may have siblings who depend on you. In business you may have bad employees who are untrustworthy, who steal from you no matter how many times you change them. Life is tough, but you have to be tougher. You deal with con-men and work colleagues who may be trying to pull you down in every possible way. In life there are jealous people, some of them relatives, others are masked as friends. There are people who won't mind when you are all at the same level or when you are at a lower socioeconomic level than they are. Once you rise above them though, envy arises. Then we have the others, the ones who are in your life for their convenience. "Friends" who will bail out on you as soon as they no longer have use for you. 

There are gossips, enemies, men of ill-intent, opportunists, pessimists, dream-killers all around us. The trouble is its not easy to tell who they are initially. Its kind of like being in a new relationship. You don't really know if the other person is in it for the fun. In time you learn that there are not that many friends who are truly friends and there is no one really that you can trust with everything. You come to learn to love yourself and to hold your cards close to your chest. It's never easy, in fact it is a heavy burden. This is the cross that we have to bear and though it is heavy, it hurts less than the alternatives - like being betrayed by people you trust.

On the other hand there are those who are not perfect, who have found that one to share in their sorrows and joys. They know each other's differences and appreciate them.Those who stick with each other even when it's not convenient or even conducive for them to be together. Those who survive the impossible and stay together through the rainy days. Those who fight and hate each other but still find it in their heart to forgive each other. Lastly we have those who were never meant to be, those who just end up together happily through some mysterious event. It is they that give us hope that one day that we too shall meet those we hope to meet. 

As always thanks for taking the time to read. Let me know your thoughts and comments.  

Saying Goodbye

Goodbye Michelle my little one,

You gave me love and helped me find the sun

And every time I was down

You would always come around

And get my feet back on the ground

Seasons in the sun - Westlife

Its valentines again, the season of love! Or so I hear. How have you been my dear readers? Well I hope you've been grand. Today I want to share with you about being merciful when it comes to goodbye. What was that folks? Did I get it right? Yes indeed! Being merciful and compassionate when saying goodbye. Before I go any further I would like to make it perfectly clear that I do not mean being merciful about saying goodbye to people who cheated on you or who for some reason you no longer have affections for. No, this article is dedicated to depicting the art of handling unrequited love.

For those of you not in the know, unrequited love is when you love or care for someone but they don't feel the same way or vice versa. From the moment we first feel the tender effusions of the heart, we feel that we've found something special, even someone special. Things soon begin to change. We act differently around that person, we talk differently around that person. This is especially true when we are young and thus so inept at hiding our desire. This indeed does make us seem odd. Not to ourselves but to others who know us and to the very person we desire. Though there are cases where this desire stimulates rather than repels the person we desire but such cases are rare.

More often rather, we are rebuffed by the very people we seek to charm and in hindsight learn to be more dextrous in courting the objects of our passion. We learn to mask our passions and our odd behaviours. Acting natural even when everything feels quite unnatural, becomes second nature to us. So good do we become at this that in time we learn to do the reverse, that is, pretending to be interested in someone when we really aren't. In time if we dedicate ourselves, then drawing attention from someone indirectly becomes quite easy.

It therefore comes as no surprise to those who have honed their skill of charming the people they want, when they suddenly discover they have unintentionally aroused another person's interest in them. Have I lost you? What I simply mean is that many times you will find that someone is completely taken by you, the only thing is that you most probably don't desire this person and hardly see them as more than a friend.

Quite often this person is a relative of a friend or even a much younger and in some cases a much older person. To some it is a shock, particularly if that person is not used to receiving attention from the opposite sex. In such case this person may be quite rude or point blank. In contrast, those who have experienced this quite often know the pitfalls to avoid. I claim to be no expert in this field but I will say they errors I have learned to avoid.

For Women

Women are curiously delicate creatures. They demand to be treated with care and regard. You may not brusquely or offhandedly suggest that she is only just a friend. To do so would be to cause grievous harm to her heart and risk provoking her to wrath. No when a woman is interested in you as in more than a friend, the best thing to do is not to relay the truth in a casual or direct way. You need to be a little more refined in the way you handle the whole affair. Do not encourage her! This would be a fatal mistake. To push her away would be another fatal mistake. How then to handle this strange dilemma you suddenly find yourself in particularly if she unwittingly embarrasses you in the worst possible times?

Its easy, do not encourage her but just little by little pull away from her. Say less and less around her. Be friendly but put an air of distance between the two of you. Women love hints even if these hints reveal ugly truths. Being gentle but firm, then is the way to go when you are trying to disentangle yourself from the web of her gallantry. She will get this hint fairly quickly and her passions for you might be soon extinguished. Do not be surprised. You may miss it, but don't reawaken her desire just because you miss her attention. You must see this through to the end.

For Men

Men are unruly creatures. They love challenges and all the glory that comes with surpassing themselves. Women often make the mistake of doing what they would prefer to be done for them. They are gentle, friendly but with an air of distance. They will show you affection at some point but then with hold it for a prolonged period of time. When the man seems to give up on his pursuits, then the woman becomes friendly again. Feeling that the woman is only challenging him, perhaps playing the game casually known as hard-to-get, the man redoubles his efforts to win the woman's heart. She draws further and further away drawing the hate and spitefulness of the man in the long run. You see the man does not understand that she is only trying to be a friend. He thinks that she is just trying to give him a hard time to see whether he really loves her. So when he has proven his love many times over and is still rebuffed and later accepted and rebuffed again, he gets tired and abandons the cause completely.

Ladies, I know its hard to believe but we men are not like you. We prefer the cold hard truth no matter how uncomfortable or painful it is. When you see us acting strangely and deduce for yourselves that we do so because we care then the correct thing to do if you do not feel the same would be to pose the question directly. Are you mad? I'm not going to ask him if he fancies me? He'll get the hint sooner or later! You say. No he won't. Ladies you love clues right, well here is a clue. When it comes to men, subtle hints don't work, big hints don't work, obvious hints don't work. Men are simple creatures, we are not as complicated and insightful as women who can easily decipher the complex social codes that women use in their communication. We like things straight up. Few, indeed hardly any women in today's society know how important it is to ask a man who wants to be more than a friend how he truly feels about her. Once the man admits his feelings then let him know that you don't feel the same. Here, let me mimic a conversation between the two of you.

"Hi Lisa, how are you doing?"

"Oh hi George. I'm fine, you?"

"I'm much better now that I've seen you, thanks."

"Errr...ok ."

"Has anyone ever told you you have the prettiest eyes?"

Lisa smiles to herself.

"By the way, can I take you out to lunch today?"

Lisa quickly looks around and smiles briefly again, but this time to George. 

"No, unfortunately I've been a little busy lately."

"Oh ok." George says looking slightly crestfallen.

"I'll see you around then." Says Lisa.

"See you." George says.

Later when they meet again...

"Hi Lisa."

To herself. "Oh no!" Then brightly to George.

"Hi there."

"Hey I have these tickets to tonight's concert, I thought we could go together."

Lisa biting her lip as if deciding on how exactly to respond.

George notices. "Is something wrong?"

"Well, its just that...well..."

She pauses. Then in a slower voice. "George, do you have a crush on me?"

George looks fleetingly at her for a moment, then cast his eyes on the ground.

"Well, yes actually." He says slightly shuffling his feet.

Lisa with a patronizing look. "George I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way."

George now looks thoroughly shocked and heavily disappointed.

She walks away wordlessly

George may be astounded now but later, maybe even a day later, he will be grateful. They will continue to be friends, unless of course George is immature. Notice that she did not say "...but we can be friends." Ladies let me tell you, few things in life hurt more than those five little words. Its like you are saying. "Look here, you will never measure up to the standard of being my boyfriend. You will never be man enough to be the man my heart desires. You are good only as a friend, nothing more!" Its not what you are saying but it is what he will hear. It does seem hard to believe the direct approach is better, but try it sometime and see whether I am lying to you. In contrast, if you treat him the way you would want to be dissuaded then your chances at friendship are remote at best.

When you are the one in love...

Finally my dear readers, if you suspect that you are the one who isn't loved then it is even easier. As a man you need to make your intentions very clear. Not by blurting them out, but by using bold hints in courting her. If you are not successful in getting her attention in the first few attempts then question your approach. Secondly you need to take her out on a date and ask her to be your girl within the first three dates. You must be swift and bold, completely unafraid but smart and cunning at the same time. Sure women want a prince charming but you my friend have to be smart and prepared just in case things go sideways. Besides, its not the end of the world if she rejects you. 

If you are a lady then just find little but noticeable ways of letting him know that you are interested. If he doesn't notice then he is either unworthy of your love or not interested. Either way you save a lot of grace and dignity by moving on quickly from such a man. Men love challenges, if you don't give him one then don't expect to be pursued. If you embolden your efforts, you may indeed find that he accepts you but trust me, the chances that he is just in it for the ride and doesn't really care are fairly high.

I hope that you will find this article useful. I wish you success in all your endeavours to win the hearts and affections of your true love...

THE FRIENDZONE

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion,
enmity, worship, love, but no friendship

                                                         - Oscar Wilde

Hello my good friends. Enjoying the holidays? I sure hope so. Today I want to talk to you about this very finicky issue called "The Friendzone". This is a dreaded word for men, mostly because it is the mental and emotional emasculation of a man. To friendzone a man is to tell him in not so many words that he is not good enough for you. It is to entomb him in the dust of his own unworthiness. Men have nothing but hatred for the friendzone. Any man who loves the friendzone is probably too scared to go after what he loves.

Lets start from the bottom. How does the friendzone start. What happens at the very beginning that binds a man in the iron chains of the friendzone? Why oh why, man, is it that every girl you start to like, ends up putting you in the inescapable prison so rightly dubbed the friendzone? Is it that girls don't know what is good for them? Or could it be that you just don't have what it takes to be the man the ladies want? 

"What do you mean by that? I am a nice guy but i don't let people walk all over me," you say. "Oh I've got what it takes, she just can't see it yet!" Really? I'm curious. When you first met, how did you react. Were you polite, rude, gentlemanly? Did you stare? Did you keep smiling at her? Come on, don't hold out on me. Did you spend more time with her than with anyone else? Wait, don't tell me...you asked for her number. 

No, well good for you, maybe she was never interested. If yes well maybe now you know why you are in the friendzone. What's that? You still don't get it? Ok, maybe I can demystify this little conundrum for you. Suppose you meet a girl at a social gathering. She's nice, well dressed and quite good looking. But whenever you meet in a group she starts to laugh at everything you say even if its not funny. At other times she laughs harder than usual and at some point its almost like she's forcing the laughter. She keeps staring into your eyes and she gets nervous whenever you address her. At the end of the night she finds you alone and whispers that she likes you and looks up at you expectantly. If you are a man and you are weird you just might say yes that you like her too. Most men however will spend a great deal of time and effort avoiding this girl. Why?

Well the obvious reason is she seems desperate. Desperation in turn makes her odd. That is exactly how you seem when you start to do some things. Like when you are too nice to her even though you barely know her. Like when you start acting like she's your girl when she shows you a little affection. Like when you ask for her number after only meeting her once. Like when you spend most of your time around her like you have nothing else to do. Nobody likes to be seen as weird and being with a weird person does make you weird.

As a man, you rarely notice when you are being weird around a girl. You talk a lot, you smile a lot. You try to defend her even from the simplest jokes which perhaps offend you but do not offend her. You are too courteous to her. However, to everyone else its plain to see. It makes you look awkward and naive. Couple this with shyness and it makes you unbearable. As a man, you shouldn't let this happen if you can help it.

So what should you do to navigate this scylla and charybdis. After all, if you act over confident you may turn her off but if you act timid, you get friendzoned altogether. Well its quite simple just be confident. "I am a confident person," you say. Well maybe you are, but there are things that might have you pegged for a shy nice guy such as the things I've just mentioned above. Being confident does not mean that you should be arrogant. There are many who confuse arrogance for boldness, not so. That quiet, calm self-assured manner in which you carry yourself should be more than enough to send the message which you so desperately wish to send. After all, why should she be the catch? Why can't you be the catch.

Maybe my article isn't making sense to you yet or maybe it does but my advice may so far seem a bit far fetched even impractical. Well let me take it further. Most men get friendzoned at some point in life so don't get discouraged. Don't throw in the towel and start to make a pity party just because its been years and you still aren't dating or making it past the friendzone. Even the most refined men of our society have been in your shoes, maybe for a much shorter time but still, they all had the phase.

First of all, you need honest friends. Friends who tell you like it is without sugar coating anything. Don't get me wrong, not friends who put you down but friends who get real with you when things like rejection and friendzones happen to you. Friends who are not afraid to tell you that they think maybe your new girl just wants a good time and that she doesn't really like you. Friends who are willing to admit to you that once upon a time they had a weak moment too. Friends who will look you straight in the eye and tell you that the girl of your dreams might not be who she seems. These friends will teach you to be confident, to be really you no matter who you are around. To not try to hide the person that you are. These friends will teach you how to disguise or perhaps even alter your roguish qualities. For no man can see his own faults, we all need to be shown the way sometimes.

Secondly, you need to start valuing yourself a little more. You probably wouldn't be too nice to that debutante if you didn't think that she was in some way better than you would you. Now hold on here, I don't mean that you should look down upon people, in fact I discourage it. I mean stop approaching a woman that you barely know like she's so special all of a sudden. Just treat her like a regular girl. In that way you show to her and to others that you've met others like her, you've been around and but yet in some way find her interesting. Speak like you know what you are talking about, don't be cocky, don't exaggerate but know your stuff.

Thirdly don't shower her with too much attention. A woman knows when you are interested but everything in love and seduction depends on suggestion, little, subtle hints. I have said it before and I will say it again, winning a woman's affection is like conquering a citadel. Have you heard of a general who beats a city by making known his plans to overcome the city? In the same way, you must be like the general who is only known by the citadel he has ravaged. Everyone likes to be seduced, especially women. Show her a little charm this time, act indifferently at other times, then maybe confide in her as a friend, just a little...set up ambiguous signals. Whatever you do, don't make your intentions clear unless you wish to forfeit your chance with her. In time she will sense that you are playing a game, this will only make you more attractive to her. For sometimes anything is more desirable than the boredom of security.

Lastly don't wait for too long to make your move. Find a way to let her know that you are interested in her. Not too subtle; your move must be a gallant one or it will be seen as cowardly. Don't wait months, don't stalk her, don't give her hints on facebook like sending funny pictures. Whether you use social media or prefer the good old fashioned mano a mano thing, it doesn't matter. Just be confident when you do make your move.

There's not a lot of things to remember when you like a girl, just remember to be confident and be yourself. Everything else will work itself out. Don't be afraid to be rejected, but leave the friendzone to those who are too scared to chase after what they want.