Women Working

True wisdom is less presuming than folly. The wise man doubteth often, and changeth his mind; the fool is obstinate, and doubteth not; he knoweth all things but his own ignorance

- Akhenaton

(~1362BC) King of Egypt

There was a time when it was common to see men who built turbines and cars and boats. There was a time that one could only find men fixing a power transformer. It was a time when women were hardly seen in engineering positions or positions that required technical knowledge. It was more common to see them as secretaries, nurses, teachers and house wives. I've got news for you! Things have changed!

I have seen women penetrate and excel in hitherto male-dominated roles. There are more and more women CEOs, more and more women who will fix your car sometimes better than a man will. You doubt me? Google Sheryl Sandberg. Traditionally, there were no women drivers (of PSVs) or women touts - take a walk around town and see. Painting jobs were traditionally reserved for men - perhaps because women never thought to do them? I have seen a group of women re-painting a huge institution. I have seen women becoming brand ambassadors for huge multinational companies. I have seen women, start their own companies and claw their way to success. I thought I had seen it all, when I saw women repairing and constructing a road - professionally.

In recent times, the call for equality at the work place has becoming increasingly louder. It is impossible to ignore it forever. To a man, it might seem that women are dissatisfied and ungrateful for their place in society. A man would be wrong in assuming the latter and right is thinking the former. The reason for this is that some men are ignorant of how women really suffer at the work place. Let me enlighten you.

It is not uncommon to see women earning less than men while performing the same job in the same company. In some countries where labour laws are ignored, it is not uncommon to find a woman retrenched for being pregnant. Of course some companies are crafty about this and often retrench the woman personnel before the pregnancy is too noticeable. With regards to leadership, women are often skipped over for leadership positions. Some companies are progressive while others are not. It is my experience however, that progressive companies that promote gender equality tend to perform better than those that don't.

This is not a threat to men. On the contrary, women are creating a niche for themselves in new industries like the up & coming Social Media industry. Men similarly are distinguishing themselves in jobs traditionally relegated to women. You may have seen men who own, operate and work in Salons. Do women not love them for the job more than their fellow women folk. Traditionally, cooking was considered the province of a woman. Today, more men appear to know how to cook than women. 

In fact, it is strange how men do not seem to mind when they work side by side with women. The issue often comes when men work under women. In some cases men do not mind, especially in the cases that the woman is tom-boyish; however, in the case when a woman is a woman, it is often that men will find it hard to work under her. We are living in a world that is still struggling to change the firmly cast roles of men and women in society. Some changes like gender equality at work are healthy.

Nevertheless, where there are good things to be admired, rotten things are not lacking. I have both male and female role models. My life is filled with positive minded, optimistic and enterprising women and men. It is my personal experience that women who excel in life are women of action rather than whiners. I know ladies that are bank managers, social marketers, account managers for corporate clients, business ladies, public relations experts, administrators at multinational companies. Quite a number of these are single mothers, others are beautiful and ambitious young ladies. I respect these women and will not hear any chatter about them obtaining such positions using dubious means. 

However, there is a crop of women that I heavily dislike. These are the whiners, the complainers - the women who believe that they are special by virtue of being a woman and who believe that men should set them on a pedestal stand. I have met women from all walks of life, and I have found that the most high achieving women do not expect to be handed life on a silver platter - they work for their fortunes. I praise these women. How they spend their wealth is a matter for themselves, I do not care. What I cannot stomach is a woman who blames men for all the problems that women face, who will only work as hard as she needs to keep the job. The younger ones are especially obsessed with social image and a prince charming.  

There is nothing wrong with wanting a prince charming, it is actually quite nice. However, complaining that today's men are not quite up to scratch and that all the good men you meet are married while you yourself are not queen Jasmine is ridiculous! A king needs a queen and you are not a queen by virtue of being born a woman. I raise my cup to all the women in my life who correct me when I stereotype, who through tireless effort have excelled and continue to excel in their careers and in their lives. 

Last Loves are Better than First Loves

The course of true love never did run smooth 

- Shakespeare 

There was a time when love meant being there for someone and taking all the little steps with them. When love meant that you got to go on long walks and spend hours talking, touching and holding hands. A time when if it felt right, you fought for it. Nowadays am not so sure. Many of you may not know this but I did have a blog before this one where I would leave love notes to my lover. I went through a lot and it taught me things that I needed to know. I thought to myself that no one should ever have to suffer so much for love, so I started this blog to help nice guys out there like me. 

The reason that my profile picture is a picture of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie from the movie Mr & Mrs Smith is because though in the movie they were bad for each other - love brought them together. In real life, it was this movie that instigated Brad Pitt's divorce with Jennifer Aniston. If you have not watched the movie then it goes a little like this. Both Angelina and Brad are assassins for rival groups and both are at the top of their game. They are married to each other but they do not know about each others' true employment. They are ordered to kill each other and they do try but instead they end up re-uniting and fighting the good fight together.

I once heard a saying that it is better to be someone's last love than their first love. Now that I am older I know how much this is true. Juliet was NOT Romeo's first love. Nelson Mandela remarried more than once. Richard Branson found fulfillment in his second wife Joan. Joyce Meyer is happier in her second marriage than in her first. The list goes on and on for people - fictitious and real, who find better love after what they thought was going to be forever & always ended. 

It is true that the first cut is the deepest. We love with all our heart, body and soul the first person whom we truly fall in love with but time proves all things. Time is the true test of a relationship. Now I know that some people stick to the ones they love for longer than they should because they hope that things will change. For a time, this is healthy for we all fight in our relationships. Sometimes it is not healthy for us. In matters of the heart, no one can tell you who to love. I can only tell you that happiness is real.

I found happiness when I let go of what I thought was God given, a relationship filled with love and mutual understanding. The kind of relationship that your friends and her friends root for. I am no guru on when it's time to break up but there is something I learnt along the way. If your best is not good enough for someone you love, give it time and if nothing changes then it's time to think of other options.

One Step At A Time

...the waves are calling out my name and laughing at me...

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed,

And the waves keep on telling me time and time again boy you never will, you never will...

But the voice of truth tells me a different story,

the voice of truth says do not be afraid...

I want to tell you a story about a young man who made a difference in life. He was 21 years old, not the brightest student in class but he had a very entrepreneurial spirit. His name was Ricky. Having not qualified for college or higher education, he decided to go into business. His first business never quite took off but it did provide him with valuable input for his second business. His business was primarily selling music records. Originally he would mail music records to a few people then the business began to grow. He began mailing the records to people across the country side and to others even in the city. In time he expanded his operations to other European countries. At the age of 21, he was well on his way to becoming a millionaire. Journalists everywhere wrote about him. He was as happy as could be.

One day he was on his way to deliver music records to another country. At the time Britain tried to promote exports and so after your goods were checked and stamped, you received a certificate and were exempted from some taxes. However, due to lack of a specific document, Ricky was turned back at the border and was not able to enter Belgium. This was a big blow, he had spent a lot of his money to develop these music records, he stood to make monumental losses. Thinking quickly, he discovered that he had a lot of stock which he could sell within Britain and make a bigger profit. He did after all have the paperwork to prove that the stock was destined for a foreign country. He turned back and sold the records. He continued to do this time and again and in the process he made a lot of money. However, he was eventually caught and was arraigned in court. By good fortune he was able to settle the matter out of court and through his aunt's help he was able to put the matter behind him completely. Today that man is Richard Branson, a multibillionaire who owns two islands and over four hundred companies all over the world.

Why did I give you this story? Well it's a new year and I am guessing that you did a few things last year that you really wish you hadn't done. If you did not then good for you. I have been there, where you've made a mistake and you feel like it might define the rest of your life. I know what it is to make a mistake that sets you years back. I know how much it hurts to kiss your plans goodbye and wish to God that things were different. Take heart my brother, you will get through.

Richard Branson was a relatively happy-go-lucky person who believed in bending the rules to get things done, but this event taught him that there is a price to pay for carrying that attitude. It taught him an important lesson that aided him in making bigger decisions in future. He overcame what was perhaps the biggest mistake in his life to go on and become greater than ever. This new year, I know that though the festivities might have been great you still have the same job, live in the same neighbourhood and probably have more responsibilities. 

So you made a mistake or maybe you didn't reach a specific target and it is weighing down on your spirit. Rise up! Rise up I say! Never let your troubles get you down.You are stronger than that, heck you are better than that. Remember that person you never thought you could live without, well look at you all living and stuff. You've got what it takes even if it doesn't seem like it. You've got what it takes even if the whole world discounts you. You've got what it takes because your life is more than just about one mistake or a dozen for that matter. The fact is that no great success was ever achieved without failure. 

Our attitude when we fail should not be that it is over and done. Failure is a necessary stepping stone to achieving our dreams. Till next time I will leave you with the following quote on success;

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly"

- Robert F. Kennedy

Growing up...

Life is too short for a long story 

                                                                                          - Lady Montagu

Growing up is a strange experience, full of memories, some sad and sombre others happy and fulfilling. As I write this article I remember washing my clothes as a child, with the radio playing loud South African music from within the house. The sun is shining brightly down on my mother and I. My father is in the house. We learned to do the house chores at an early age, my brother and I. We were always fighting over who was supposed to do what. In particular we both hated feeding the cows. None of us loved serving boiling hot, rotten cabbages to a drove of cows in the hot sun. However, the job had to be done and the task often fell upon me as he was the stronger brother.

I loved washing the dishes and helping my mother with carrying the groceries. She often had to do these tasks alone and I despised that it was so. Of course she could hire a maid and for some time she did, but my brother and I hated the maids' cooking. Mother's cooking was best and if the price to pay for only eating her food was helping out with house chores then my brother and I were much obliged.

We learned a lot of lessons growing up in a poor suburban neighbourhood. The ball was made of many polythene papers that were compressed and tied up with a manila rope. If the ball's owner didn't show up then we couldn't play. Similarly if he got called home early then we couldn't continue to play for he would carry his ball home with him. We had no fields to play in and we were never allowed to go far from home and as a result we had to play in the back-roads near home.

When there was no ball to play with, we made fayas (handheld catapults) and shot down birds. Our neighbourhood was filled with boys, there were no girls our age where I grew up so we only did boyish things like challenging each other to see who could wink more or who could whistle the loudest. In a manner characteristic to all men, we often delighted in sharing our "vast" knowledge on topics such as the latest Musso car. Of course if you knew much about anything "manly" you earned some respect. We discussed everything, from military training to clubs - though at the time I didn't really understand what a club was.

My father often told me that the best time of his life was when he was a child. Now that I am an adult who works to meet his own needs I understand why he said that. As a child he must have had lots of friends and he could do whatever he wanted, when he wanted for so long as he did not disobey his parents. As a child, the concept of responsibility is foreign to one except if that child is a firstborn child in their family. Life moves very slowly as a child, but as an adult it moves fleetingly fast and one never has enough time for all their friends. The result is that one loses a lot of friends.

As an adult, Newtons third law of motion becomes real and immutable - Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Everything you do has a consequence. Nothing in life is wasted. As I listen to South African music while I write this article, I remember what my father tried to teach me in not so many words that where I am today is the result of my actions yesterday and tomorrow is where I will be because of what I do today.

The truth is rarely simple and never pure

                         - Oscar Wilde

Taking Life One Day At A Time

“…I have walked that long road to freedom

I have tried not to falter; I have made missteps along the way

But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill,

One only finds more hills to climb”

- Nelson Mandela

I have always been fascinated by the resilience of this great and influential man. I admire not only his resilience but his fortitude and boldness in the face of fearsome odds. Where many men would have given up, this man saw hope. Where others would have seen only darkness and despair, he saw a continuation of the struggle for liberation.

For those who are not familiar with Nelson Mandela, he is the founding father of South Africa. The man you see in the picture above spent nearly three decades in what can only be described as a combination of a harsh prison and an intolerable labour camp – the prison at Robben Island. Though he was imprisoned in a remote island where his family was rarely allowed to visit; though the white government did it’s best to frustrate him and his family. Though he lost his mother and his first born son while in prison and was not allowed to bury them, this man never gave up. He walked the talk, he ran the race and he won the prize.

His life has served as an example for many of us that in this life, there are not only good things but also bad things to come. In his life we see that it is not always clear which course of action is right to take until the consequences start to show. His hardships show that indeed there is such a thing as the greater good.

In our own lives we grow up differently. Some grow up being picked on by others in school, others grow up as bullies and still others grow up as faces in the crowd. Some learn to take criticism positively in the early years of their lives. Others learn this later, sadly, some never do. Those especially that are pampered as children never quite learn to deal with the pressures of life.

Life comes in many tastes, flavours and colours. For some people life will be hard from the beginning. For many, life starts out easy then grows steadily more difficult. Learning to lose early teaches us the value of patience and renewed effort. The games we learn as children teach us critical life lessons in a very simple and fun way. Lessons like teamwork, and life values such as winning and losing, allowing others to win.

It’s not so easy to stick to these values when we are older, when letting the other person get the credit might mean that they get that promotion that you’ve been eyeing eagerly for over a year. It’s also not that easy to work as a team when your work as part of a team is not appreciated and your job depends on it. Life would be easy if that is all we had to worry about but there are other things as well.

Growing up, we have many friends surrounding us. We generally only lose true friends when their families move away and we lose touch. However, as adults we lose friends just by getting busy. This is a big blow in life because friends are our support system. They are the ones that give us a chance to relax and relieve the deep stress that sometimes haunts us at work. Ever had a boss shout at you? Ever had your salary delayed? Ever been berated like a child in front of your juniors? Having friends allows us to absorb the shocks of life as they come. However, there is a time in everyone’s life when they must stand alone.

Your friends can’t always deal with your drama. They won’t always be there to hold your hand and listen. They won’t always have a shoulder for you to lean on when you are not strong. Sometimes they too have their own battles to fight. In your life it may come to a time when you need to stand alone for a period much longer than you were originally prepared to face. Disaster strikes in the most unexpected ways. Your wife dies when you are still young, or perhaps it is your first child – how can anyone help you to deal with this? They can sympathize but they can’t really understand what you are going through or share your pain.

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy

- Proverbs 14:10 (NIV)

We must therefore strive to emulate those who have gone before us and succeeded. We must live not necessarily as they have lived, but following the principles that they lived by. This one principle no one can teach you. You do not learn it in childhood games, or through initiation rites. This principle can only be learned by experience. Stand alone and stand strong, for if you do not give up, you too will one day raise up your fist in victory and grandeur. 

Goofy Dates :-)

Baby, you don't have to try to read my mind

Cause you know I wanna get it in...

"Body 2 Body" - Ace Hood ft Chris Brown

Have you ever been goofy on a date? Goofy? You ask. Why yes my good man. Have you ever been to a date where you just kept doing small dumb acts? It's not like you were not aware of them it's more like you couldn't help yourself. Stop blushing, just smile quietly and admit the answer in your own heart. The truth is I have. It was a blind date and if you've been on a few of those then you know there's not a lot to look forward to. Still, you are in a new city and have got lots of time to kill so not why try the blind date thing.

You arrive at the spot the two of you are supposed to meet right on time and start to play games on you phone in anticipation of her impending lateness. You are snapped sharply back to reality by a soft jab barely minutes into your game. You look up and find yourself gaping. You quickly catch yourself and regain your composure. "Hi there," you say smoothly. "Hi," she says back. This drop dead gorgeous lady is smiling up at you with her milk-white teeth expectantly. You gather your thoughts and quickly convince yourself that she, like yourself - is a tourist who is lost and needs to find out where she is. Bracing yourself for the questions on directions that you must answer, you start to say, "Can I help you?" 

"Yeah actually, can we go in now?" she asks nodding to a classy club nearby. Hardly believing your ears but chuckling at your own luck, you go in to the club with her. The club isn't as full as you expected it, but the music is great. You soon find a suitable spot for the two of you to settle and you start to mingle.

The waitress comes by and you both order for drinks. The conversations starts slow but it picks up steadily, with the rising tempo of the music. Soon, you both start to laugh - she gets your sarcasm and you get her subtle jokes. As the music carries into the night, you start to dance. She is shy at first but soon she joins you on the dance floor. You are nothing short of delighted when she starts to grind on your nether regions. However, she goes further and blows you mind by showing you moves that even you - the party animal - do not know about. 

Finally you both get tired and you sit down. It's past midnight and you are both a little tipsy. You are running out of things to say but you don't want things to get awkward. This leads to your talking about your work. Most girls switch off at this juncture, especially when what you do is not the kind of thing people learn at school. To your amazement, she knows what you are talking about and she appreciates it. Well not all of it, but she knows quite a bit about your type of work. Beyond that, she can relate your work to hers. How cool is that? You can talk shop with a girl who is as hot as can be. This chic gets you one hundred percent. 

Now however, she falls silent and watches you intently as if studying you. The night is half gone and you are both tired. If this were a normal hook up, all you would have to do is catch a taxi and let nature do the rest. However, everything is different now. This is actually a person you like and whom you sense is looking for more than just a booty call. Ordinarily you wouldn't care either way, even if communicating your carnal intentions lost you her affections but tonight you care.

My friend, that is the very beginning of the goofy date. You start to say things that are a little private that may be should have been reserved for a second or third date. You get vulnerable with her. Of course she reciprocates a little. Whether it is the wine or your own naivete, you start to believe that you are making progress. In reality, you are eroding the very gains that you made when you spoke with her first and took her to the dance floor.

Fast forward to the end of the date. The club is closing and you all have to leave, you want to get her a taxi and say goodbye but something in your system says no. You know you only have one more day in the city and you probably won't see her in a while after you leave but you also know that if you invite her back to your place she might perceive it as inappropriate. The conflict builds up within you and almost without meaning to, you blurt out that you want her to come back to your place with you!

Now that the words are out, you have to stick to them for if not, you will come across as something worse - the indecisive man. The die is cast, let the cards fall where they may. Instead of over-reacting or simply agreeing, she does something quite different. She smiles and says that may be you can meet up the next day at the same time.

You now know that she is not repulsed by the potentially mischievous thought in your mind. You decide to give it another shot, after all the gentle flame melts the wax. Besides, you know tomorrow will never come and you wish to consummate your lovely date with a blissful event. She looks deeply into your eyes and you proceed. Long story short, you end up at another place where you have more fun and say more stupid things but still end up with no cookie :-( 

We all have goofy dates. I used the role of a man in this story but the truth is I have seen both scenarios take place. I once took a friend out for dinner at a popular restaurant. We took a special section of the restaurant that was normally reserved for special events. We thought that we were alone at first but then a shrill laugh filled the air. There in the corner of the restaurant was a couple. We didn't bother with them since it's normal to see couples out on dates but with time we found it hard to ignore this couple.

The lady kept laughing at everything the man said even before he completed his sentences. In addition, she kept staring dreamily into his eyes as if expecting a miracle ring to pop out from them. She lay partly on him inching ever closer to his face. The man did not seem to be all that entertained. He occasionally smiled but that was about it.

The point is, from time to time, we all find that we are overly attracted to someone and we sometimes do nonsensical things, rookie mistakes that we otherwise would have avoided. All am trying to say is, when it happens to you don't beat yourself up too much.

Friends & Love

In each tear

There's a lesson, (there's a lesson)

Make you wiser than before (wiser)

In each tear (each tear)

Brings you closer to your dreams

No mistake, No heartbreak

Can take away what you're meant to be

Each Tear - Mary J Blige

Hey guys, it's been a while. I've been busy with a lot of other stuff. I know, that's such a cliche. On to my story then. Do you know how much fun it is to go out with a lady and do everything right? From the venue, to the music, to the food and the conversation all the way to the end of the date. Its even more fun when you are being yourself, when you don't have to pretend to be someone you are not. When you can just talk about anything and you still connect with the other person. When you can be "real with them" as I like to put it.

Getting the second date right, that's great. You get the third one right and its official, you two are officially hooked to each other. Feels good right? Knowing that you mean so much to someone who means so much to you. Going out with them, getting to know them better. Sharing the good times with them, in a bar, in a swimming pool, on a picnic date, maybe even in the kitchen ;-). As the time passes, you find yourselves at opposite ends of a conflict and now you face the true test of a relationship. Will you survive the conflict as a couple? Or will you be like that couple you know who broke up after having such a great run? You get through it together and it leaves you stronger as a couple. With each passing day your commitment to each other becomes stronger until finally you are ready to take the first step towards a lasting commitment - marriage. 

You walk down the aisle and exchange your vows. The after party is great but you leave early to catch your honeymoon. You finally have what you've always dreamed of - a partner to share in all of your dreams and in all of life's struggles. Someone to have and to hold, through the good times and the bad and they will always be there for you. You will never walk alone again...

It would be nice if life was this simple. If like in the movie, Hotel Transylvania -  you could tell when you met somebody whether they were meant for you or not. The truth is though that this is not a movie, it is real life and in real life people get disappointed a lot. In real life, relationships that seem like they were destined to be, fail. In real life, people lose their loved ones to other less worthy opponents. In real life, you meet someone you love with all your soul just to find that they don't feel the same. In real life, people tag you along only later to disappoint you. In real life, each tear is a lesson.

In this life we go through a lot, both in relationships and in life in general. At work you may have a boss who doesn't give a damn about how hard you work. At home you may have siblings who depend on you. In business you may have bad employees who are untrustworthy, who steal from you no matter how many times you change them. Life is tough, but you have to be tougher. You deal with con-men and work colleagues who may be trying to pull you down in every possible way. In life there are jealous people, some of them relatives, others are masked as friends. There are people who won't mind when you are all at the same level or when you are at a lower socioeconomic level than they are. Once you rise above them though, envy arises. Then we have the others, the ones who are in your life for their convenience. "Friends" who will bail out on you as soon as they no longer have use for you. 

There are gossips, enemies, men of ill-intent, opportunists, pessimists, dream-killers all around us. The trouble is its not easy to tell who they are initially. Its kind of like being in a new relationship. You don't really know if the other person is in it for the fun. In time you learn that there are not that many friends who are truly friends and there is no one really that you can trust with everything. You come to learn to love yourself and to hold your cards close to your chest. It's never easy, in fact it is a heavy burden. This is the cross that we have to bear and though it is heavy, it hurts less than the alternatives - like being betrayed by people you trust.

On the other hand there are those who are not perfect, who have found that one to share in their sorrows and joys. They know each other's differences and appreciate them.Those who stick with each other even when it's not convenient or even conducive for them to be together. Those who survive the impossible and stay together through the rainy days. Those who fight and hate each other but still find it in their heart to forgive each other. Lastly we have those who were never meant to be, those who just end up together happily through some mysterious event. It is they that give us hope that one day that we too shall meet those we hope to meet. 

As always thanks for taking the time to read. Let me know your thoughts and comments.