And I give you all my pieces broken
In your hands there is nothing that you can't fix
My heart is frayed, my scars are open
So put me back together now stitch by stitch
Put me back together now stitch by stitch
Stitch by Stitch - Javier Colon
There was a time when I would have gotten on this blog and vented about how people get hurt and about how much you can get hurt when certain eventualities occur but that time is past. To be sincere, there comes a time in life when you are just so over the drama of reacting to crises and perceived crises in your life. That time for me is now and this article is not about pain or betrayal or love or any of the usual suspects, no, this article is about overcoming the pain that life throws at you. This article is dedicated to those silent heroes who shine a candle for us when all is dark and no one else cares enough.
What you say, without words, resuscitates what was numb inside
So repair me, every thread of me, 'cause you're bringing me back to life...
No matter how hard you try to avoid pain in life, it will come and meet you where you are. The only way to completely avoid pain is to do nothing at all. I am sure that you've all experienced heartbreak or loss at some point in your lives. You lost a job, a spouse, a loved one, a business, a limb or even a house. You must have at some point in your life felt so much pain that you couldn't tell front from back, a time when you may have been sad or depressed. A time when everything lost meaning for you and all you wanted was for the pain to end. If you have been there, are there or are headed there, don't give up just yet.
I'm still afraid of falling, somehow it's takin' over me
Don't ever let me let it go...
The first step to dealing with pain or disappointment is to get a support system. Someone or some people that you can talk to, someone who will listen and genuinely care even if they cannot offer any material support. Just having someone who can listen to you can make all the difference between a bad day and full blown depression. It's nice to have family members that you can talk to but the truth is, most of the time the person who will get you the most will not be related to you. As King Solomon once said, A brother is born for the day of trouble but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
As an example of the above, there was a time when I was in between jobs. You see folks I had quit a job and didn't have anywhere else to go. I had savings but they didn't last long. Of course I didn't just wait for opportunities to come to me. I enrolled in a French class, volunteered my services at an organization and gained other skills on the side. I applied for several jobs and even tried to work some contacts. I was absolutely certain that with my excellent curriculum vitae, my strong background and my good reputation for getting things done, I would get a job offer in less than three months. Three months came and went and I was still unemployed. My savings ran out. I was desperate, I had nowhere to go and could no longer afford the rent where I lived. I had virtually no money left. Worst of all is that I didn't even know how to ask for help.
Help came in form of a relative who asked me to go live with them till I figured things out. I was grateful, but at the same time I had a tremendous burden of guilt on my back. I felt guilty for burdening a relative, guilty for not having my life in order, guilty for ending up in the exact same way I had sworn never to end up - penniless. Worst of all was that I had nothing to show for the many years that I had been previously employed. I was broken. I felt like a failure. Three months turned to six months and though I was prospering in other ways, I wasn't getting a job. I was deeply scared that my relative would run out of patience and ask me to leave. I was also deeply ashamed because I had to borrow money for the most basic things. Thankfully, my relative understood and they encouraged me and listened to me. Encouragement and support mean everything when you are down to nothing. My relative however, was not the only person who encouraged me. There were a handful of friends who sometimes called to check on me and who made time for me whenever they could. Long story short I eventually got a job after nearly one year of unemployment and this job was way better than any that I have ever had in the past.
The second step to dealing with pain is believing in something bigger than yourself. Not many people know this but my life has never been easy. I know that many of you feel the same way and that you've had to overcome your fair share of mountains. The thing is, for several years my life got worse and worse. There were some highs but the general trend was that things just got worse, no matter what I did or how hard I tried, in the end I almost always ended up worse off than before.
I was raised in a christian household so I learned early on to take my troubles to the Lord in prayer. Despite this, my life did not get better. At some point, I was so fed up with God that I became an atheist. That same week something happened and my worst fear was realized. My life was literally a nightmare during that week and the week that followed. As a man, you must always be strong, stoic and unshakable. The reality is though, that sometimes despite your strength and stamina, life will beat you down and shake you to your core.
If you don't believe me read about Sylvester Stallone and his journey to stardom. Read on others too like Richard Branson, Jim Carrey and even Joyce Meyer. In life you will face things much bigger than yourself, things that will break you down and make you feel trapped with no way out. Remember that time when I was unemployed, yeah well, there were times when no one could help, when no one could understand, when no one had the time of day.
For me it was God, God is bigger than me. He is the all-powerful guiding force in my life. For Jim Carrey that is The Universe, for Richard Branson it is his Family. We all need something or someone to believe in, something to hold on to when nothing makes sense and when everything seems to be turning against you. William Butler Yeats once said, The center cannot hold; things fall apart... Find your center, find something bigger than yourself to believe in.
As an example of the above, there was a time when I was in between jobs. You see folks I had quit a job and didn't have anywhere else to go. I had savings but they didn't last long. Of course I didn't just wait for opportunities to come to me. I enrolled in a French class, volunteered my services at an organization and gained other skills on the side. I applied for several jobs and even tried to work some contacts. I was absolutely certain that with my excellent curriculum vitae, my strong background and my good reputation for getting things done, I would get a job offer in less than three months. Three months came and went and I was still unemployed. My savings ran out. I was desperate, I had nowhere to go and could no longer afford the rent where I lived. I had virtually no money left. Worst of all is that I didn't even know how to ask for help.
Help came in form of a relative who asked me to go live with them till I figured things out. I was grateful, but at the same time I had a tremendous burden of guilt on my back. I felt guilty for burdening a relative, guilty for not having my life in order, guilty for ending up in the exact same way I had sworn never to end up - penniless. Worst of all was that I had nothing to show for the many years that I had been previously employed. I was broken. I felt like a failure. Three months turned to six months and though I was prospering in other ways, I wasn't getting a job. I was deeply scared that my relative would run out of patience and ask me to leave. I was also deeply ashamed because I had to borrow money for the most basic things. Thankfully, my relative understood and they encouraged me and listened to me. Encouragement and support mean everything when you are down to nothing. My relative however, was not the only person who encouraged me. There were a handful of friends who sometimes called to check on me and who made time for me whenever they could. Long story short I eventually got a job after nearly one year of unemployment and this job was way better than any that I have ever had in the past.
There and back, there's no doubt, your touch makes me whole again
I was raised in a christian household so I learned early on to take my troubles to the Lord in prayer. Despite this, my life did not get better. At some point, I was so fed up with God that I became an atheist. That same week something happened and my worst fear was realized. My life was literally a nightmare during that week and the week that followed. As a man, you must always be strong, stoic and unshakable. The reality is though, that sometimes despite your strength and stamina, life will beat you down and shake you to your core.
If you don't believe me read about Sylvester Stallone and his journey to stardom. Read on others too like Richard Branson, Jim Carrey and even Joyce Meyer. In life you will face things much bigger than yourself, things that will break you down and make you feel trapped with no way out. Remember that time when I was unemployed, yeah well, there were times when no one could help, when no one could understand, when no one had the time of day.
For me it was God, God is bigger than me. He is the all-powerful guiding force in my life. For Jim Carrey that is The Universe, for Richard Branson it is his Family. We all need something or someone to believe in, something to hold on to when nothing makes sense and when everything seems to be turning against you. William Butler Yeats once said, The center cannot hold; things fall apart... Find your center, find something bigger than yourself to believe in.
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...
In the natural, we are conditioned to react to pain in only one way, to avoid it, like the way we would avoid a knife cut. The way to deal with pain in life however, is not to avoid it but rather to deal with it. To rise up and face it confidently. Why do we do this? We do this because it is the only way to learn and move on. The risk we run of not facing our pain is that we risk repeating the same mistakes or actions that led us to that pain. I complete this article with a certain quote from Bill Clinton's book, My Life.
"Over the long years since I first saw High Noon, when I faced my own showdowns, I often thought of the look in Gary
Cooper’s eyes as he stares into the face of almost certain defeat, and
how he keeps walking through his fears toward his duty. It works pretty
well in real life too."
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