Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(Knocks you down)
Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down...
- Knock you down by Keri
Hilson ft Kanye West, Neyo
Hello my dear readers. It's been a while since my last article; I
appreciate you taking this time to read my articles, I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. Have you ever
had a partner who was perfect? Someone you never dreamed of having in a million
years yet somehow he/she is attracted to you. She is the one you want to spend
the rest of your life with and no matter how bad things get, if she is happy
then you are happy. Tell me, are you feeling this way now about someone?
It's a lovely feeling to encounter, the world just seems to be
better place. So many dreams become seemingly plausible. You suddenly begin to
think of things such as marriage, children, holiday-getaways and erotic
moments. You talk endlessly about her and the things she wants in life and all
your friends know about how you feel for her. Even her friends know of your
gallant advances on her.
Some people even take it a step further and introduce their mates
to their parents well before engagement or any formalized union. To the other
partner this is a serious sign of commitment and a step in the right direction
for the couple. This is a bold step indeed, for men generally only take home a
woman whom they respect and who would be respected by his parents and relatives.
Now I know some ladies have an issue with the use of the word
"respect" here - before you cast judgement let me be clear. A man
will say anything to get into your pants. He may be interested in you as a
person but as is often the case, he is only just looking for a good time. He
may not like you. He may not even want to be seen with you. In such a case he
might arrange for you to meet him at a spot that he doesn't frequent, that is,
somewhere clandestine. After the pick-up you'll go for drinks and whether it's
the first date or the third when you inadvertently end up in his bed, his
business with you will be concluded if he only wanted fun.
In some cases, he may continue to pursue you a few more times
before formally dropping the pretence. He doesn't want you to take it
personally so he may say he needs some space or he needs to work on his
marriage or he'll give some other flimsy excuse that lets you know you are no
longer in the picture. Sometimes he may not even bother to pick up your calls
or return your emails. Maybe you may even bump into him with someone else
sometime only for you to find out later that he was already married.
It is therefore a shock for most women who get pregnant then
confront the fathers only for the fathers to deny this blatantly. Usually a man
will accuse the woman of sleeping with other men even if when he met her she
was a virgin. While this is sometimes true and the lady seeks to be with this
man only for economic security, many times the lady confronts the real father
of her soon-to-be-born child.
So why does the father so hotly deny the woman's claims. There are
a number of reasons to this, I doubt that even a book could address them all
let alone this article but here are a few. Firstly, it may be because he never
cared about you. You were just a challenge. Maybe you were a virgin who had
resisted many and so your reputation found its way to his ears and he listened.
It maybe that he took a passing fancy to you but that after having you in bed a
few times like Judah with Tamar, he detests you.
Secondly, it might be because you are beautiful. Now before you
demand for your pound of flesh let me say that beauty is not a curse. What I
simply mean is that sometimes a man wants to get with you for no other reason
but for your ravishing looks. Isn't this so ironical? I mean if he slept with
you because you are beautiful why doesn't he want to be with you anymore? You
are still beautiful right? Well yes but men are cautious because him continuing
to sleep with you represents some form of commitment. Powerful men avoid this
because everyone knows that it is easier
to avoid commitment than to get out of it.
Thirdly it might be revenge. Shocking isn't it? I can imagine all
sorts of questions popping up in your head. Revenge? Why? What did I ever do to
him? More often than not it has nothing to do with you and it has everything to
do with the people in his life. Maybe he grew up feeling rejected being
unpopular. But then he grows up into a handsome charming and successful man,
but the unresolved issues linger. Sometimes someone made them terminally ill
and they vow to avenge themselves to other innocent people. Maybe someone you
are close to offended him - especially his girlfriend who is your friend; and
he knows that by sleeping with you he will injure that person's pride. The list
of reasons is endless, if you've been there I hope you find your closure.
To continue with my original theme. As a man you may consider your
fortunes to have changed. You may feel that the universe is smiling down at
you. Yet deep down you know those
fearful thoughts creep up on you. You know that she is too good for you. You
feel like you tricked her into loving you and you feel like if you lose her you
will lose the only good thing you ever
had. For you are not new to rejection. You fear the day that she will wake
up from her abstraction, her dream and realize how so very banal you are - and
it happens. So when it happens your world comes crumbling down.
Some people are not strong enough to deal with this. They end up
assigning themselves to the gallows or they resolve to finding an escape at the
bottom of a bottle if you know what I mean. Things do not bode well for people
who are not strong in matters of the heart. For love and the effusions of the
heart are by nature not logical or sound. They cause one to do many meaningless
things and no one is safe. Anyone can be affected, no matter how high their
station in life.
Millionaires have lost their wealth pursuing damsels mistakenly
thinking that the same skills that brought them prosperity in business will aid
them in acquiring the love of the women they pursue. The truth is such skills
do not work in the arena of romance. For while business requires a clear
strategy with lots of logical thinking and planning, matters of romance are not
so rigidly set in stone.
For those who have been left by someone, if you have been used,
abused, accused and excused - don't worry. I know it may seem that the clouds
are dark and you are drowning in the ocean of your own misery and sorrow but
take heart. Know this, that many more have come before you and each of them had
to deal with their pain. How they dealt with their pain is what differentiated
them. How do you deal with it? You let go. "Easy for you to say, you've never been there. You don't know how I
feel!" Actually I have been there and it took me months to even
consider moving on.
It took everything I had just not to break down and relinquish hope.
She was first thing I thought of when I woke up and I always slept to her
thoughts. I wondered what could have been. I wondered if she would fall asleep
again under the spell of my love. I half-hoped that she would, half-hoped that
she would not because I knew it was over. Whenever I was sad I wanted to call
her. Whenever I was happy her number would flash into my mind. I would go to
town and as I walked the streets I hoped I would catch her eye. Time heals all
souls my friend. Every setback is just a comeback waiting to happen. When I
finally did get over her, I met people who I would never have dreamed of
knowing or even associating with. I was no longer desperate for someone else's
love or approval rather I revel in meeting new, successful people every day. It
will be a brighter day if you just hold on. "Hold on to what I feel like I'm on quicksand, the ground beneath me is
swallowing me! I'm falling to pieces!" Hold on to the hope that there
is a deeper meaning to all this because I promise you there is.
