Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
The Sound of Silence - Disturbed
How did I end up back here? It's cold but that's not why my body is trembling. It's taking so much to write each word of this article. My passwords which I usually type without ever looking at the keyboard seem to be failing me today. As my hands tremble like a leaf in the cold blizzard of a bad winter. I try to make sense of things. Where did I go wrong? What did I do wrong? Why is everything so hazy? I feel so weak, like one denied food for days. Devoid of strength, eyesight failing. What is this feeling? Why do I feel like the air has been knocked out of my lungs?
Then I answer myself. It is because I became comfortable, because I got lazy. It is because I forgot the very lessons that I once taught, I forgot who I was. Hello darkness indeed. The darkness is where we go to express our innermost being. It is where we find solace, where we find acceptance and respite for our souls. In the darkness, no one can judge us, no one can belittle us, no one can make us feel small or hurt. In the darkness is where we find our truest selves.
In the darkness, we can find ourselves again. We can clutch and claw and grasp for fleeting straws. We can gnash our teeth and curse and throw up our arms. We can quit, we can judge ourselves, we can fight ourselves, we are allowed to express our doubts aloud. In the darkness, we can be bad, we can be good, we can be weak, we can say out loud our greatest fears and in the darkness, we can breakdown. In other words, in the darkness we can be who we are afraid to show the world. We can be our purest selves without the slightest regret.
Finding yourself again after hitting the ground is never easy, especially when you didn't even know that you were falling; but each time you fall remember this, you learn to walk by falling not by sticking to the rules.
