Changes

As we go on

We remember

All the times we

Had together

And as our lives change

Come whatever

We will still be

Friends Forever

Graduation (Friends Forever) – Vitamin C

Hey! Remember all the stupid things we did in college? Remember how it felt to just be there with your friends and how it felt to have fun with them. Life is never quite the same after college, people grow apart. Everyone follows a different track. Some travel to other countries. Some land big jobs. Some start businesses. Some land small jobs. Others remain unemployed. Some get children and settle down while others just never seem to be able to have stable relationships.

College friendship doesn’t wither overnight though. It takes time. The first few weeks after campus you tend to keep in touch. You keep tabs on each other. Who has gotten a job and who works in the same town as yourself. Who still dates his college sweetheart and who broke up. Whose father/relative has secured them a job and who is just lucky. All these things seem petty now but they are things that people consider soon after college. A large group of friends will typically meet up in the city in the first weeks of their employment. As time goes by the group grows smaller and smaller until the group is finally so small that it can grow no less.

In a few months most are happily/unhappily employed and are too busy to meet each other except on special occasions. Those who are unemployed are too ashamed to admit it and tend to avoid all but their closest and most trusted friends and family. These are not the only people that avoid others. Forgive me but I have noted with concern that single women with children out of wedlock who for some reason were abandoned by the fathers of their children, tend to avoid people. This is indeed sad as friends provide a support system in this unforgiving world.

In time, we make new friends. These are mainly friends from the workplace or friends that you meet through your profession. Many even find their spouses this way. It’s an interesting and profound experience. One meets people from all walks of life. Suddenly you are cast into a whole new world with beautiful women and successful men all of whom want to hear what you have to say. You join ‘elite’ circles in which you contribute. 

It is therefore no wonder that when you meet your fellow colleagues a few years removed from college you look so different that they hardly recognize you.

Now life has a twisted sense of humour because just when you thought that you were doing so well, that your star could only rise higher, tragedy strikes. You lose a loved one, your business takes a hit or you lose your job. In the blink of an eye, the empire you thought you were building is lost. Life is never quite the same when life changing events such as the ones I have described above befall you. 

In the words of “The Script”, your world literally falls to pieces and you are just falling into an abyss. You stay strong at first; you raise your chin and square your shoulders. You promise yourself that this too shall pass. When the going gets tough, the tough get going – this is how you console yourself. One by one, the days go by. The more that they do, the more you realize that life will never be the same. You realize slowly that just when you thought you understood the rules of the game, the whole game changed and you were left with nothing.

In the case of a business, it becomes harder to secure loans. Banks feel that your assets are not worth the loan that you are applying for and when you do finally get a loan it is at an exorbitant interest rate. You sigh and hope for the best. Life is all about trying right? Life has a funny way of testing you. You get the loan and your customers fail to turn up. The import duty goes up, the local currency depreciates meaning it becomes more expensive to get your stock from abroad and as a result you end up under-stocked, in debt and in desperate need of sales. The worst thing is, when the local currency is weak, everybody feels it not just you. This means that your customers either find alternative goods or cheaper goods. Of course you already bought the stock, if you lower the price then no matter how much you sell you really won’t be able to repay the loan. You leave the prices as they are and you don’t sell anyway. Do you see what I’m saying? 

In the case of unemployment, you go out and look for vacancies and find them. You do your research and carefully craft your cover letter and your resume to match the job requirements. Five months and 60 job applications later you are still unemployed. Life has a funny sense of humour. Some employers feel that you are over qualified even though you are willing to settle for their offer. Other employers argue that you are under-experienced even though your certificates and work experience prove otherwise. Other employers, well who knows what they think. The point is life never turns out how you imagined it. You run out of your savings and now what? Do you move back in with your parents? What if they live in the suburbs or in the village? Are you prepared to give up the city life? Do you even have a choice? 

When you lose a loved one in an accident or through a malady or by some other occurrence, life loses all meaning. All goes dark and no amount of soul searching can fill the void within. It’s like shouting questions into an empty barrel, all you will hear is the sound of your own voice. No one will really understand unless they have been there themselves and even if they have, they can’t share the pain with you. Life becomes like a void. You miss them to the point of madness. You wonder everyday what they would have said about something that you did or didn’t do. You wish that they were there so that you could see their smile or that they would just hug you and say that it would all be ok. They are gone though and all you have is the memory of them.

My life has recently taken such precipitous turns. It has taken time to absorb each blow and to ponder what is still left to do. In my time of need and in my time of humility, I have found that when life changes so abruptly, everyone needs something strong, something changeless in them to wither out the storm. When life goes so deeply out of balance, a counterbalance is needed. For me, that counterbalance is friendship. When all else was lost, those who love me showed their love and dedication without fail. 

In the end, it was what I always treasured that saved me. God, Love & Friendship, these three never fail. If you are reading this and your life recently took a turn for the worse and you wonder if anyone cares, or if God exists or if you will ever be able to have a life and be happy. I pray that you find your center. That changeless core that you can stand on, rely on, hold on to; that amazing foundation that will keep you strong against all odds.