Growing up...

Life is too short for a long story 

                                                                                          - Lady Montagu

Growing up is a strange experience, full of memories, some sad and sombre others happy and fulfilling. As I write this article I remember washing my clothes as a child, with the radio playing loud South African music from within the house. The sun is shining brightly down on my mother and I. My father is in the house. We learned to do the house chores at an early age, my brother and I. We were always fighting over who was supposed to do what. In particular we both hated feeding the cows. None of us loved serving boiling hot, rotten cabbages to a drove of cows in the hot sun. However, the job had to be done and the task often fell upon me as he was the stronger brother.

I loved washing the dishes and helping my mother with carrying the groceries. She often had to do these tasks alone and I despised that it was so. Of course she could hire a maid and for some time she did, but my brother and I hated the maids' cooking. Mother's cooking was best and if the price to pay for only eating her food was helping out with house chores then my brother and I were much obliged.

We learned a lot of lessons growing up in a poor suburban neighbourhood. The ball was made of many polythene papers that were compressed and tied up with a manila rope. If the ball's owner didn't show up then we couldn't play. Similarly if he got called home early then we couldn't continue to play for he would carry his ball home with him. We had no fields to play in and we were never allowed to go far from home and as a result we had to play in the back-roads near home.

When there was no ball to play with, we made fayas (handheld catapults) and shot down birds. Our neighbourhood was filled with boys, there were no girls our age where I grew up so we only did boyish things like challenging each other to see who could wink more or who could whistle the loudest. In a manner characteristic to all men, we often delighted in sharing our "vast" knowledge on topics such as the latest Musso car. Of course if you knew much about anything "manly" you earned some respect. We discussed everything, from military training to clubs - though at the time I didn't really understand what a club was.

My father often told me that the best time of his life was when he was a child. Now that I am an adult who works to meet his own needs I understand why he said that. As a child he must have had lots of friends and he could do whatever he wanted, when he wanted for so long as he did not disobey his parents. As a child, the concept of responsibility is foreign to one except if that child is a firstborn child in their family. Life moves very slowly as a child, but as an adult it moves fleetingly fast and one never has enough time for all their friends. The result is that one loses a lot of friends.

As an adult, Newtons third law of motion becomes real and immutable - Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Everything you do has a consequence. Nothing in life is wasted. As I listen to South African music while I write this article, I remember what my father tried to teach me in not so many words that where I am today is the result of my actions yesterday and tomorrow is where I will be because of what I do today.

The truth is rarely simple and never pure

                         - Oscar Wilde

Taking Life One Day At A Time

“…I have walked that long road to freedom

I have tried not to falter; I have made missteps along the way

But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill,

One only finds more hills to climb”

- Nelson Mandela

I have always been fascinated by the resilience of this great and influential man. I admire not only his resilience but his fortitude and boldness in the face of fearsome odds. Where many men would have given up, this man saw hope. Where others would have seen only darkness and despair, he saw a continuation of the struggle for liberation.

For those who are not familiar with Nelson Mandela, he is the founding father of South Africa. The man you see in the picture above spent nearly three decades in what can only be described as a combination of a harsh prison and an intolerable labour camp – the prison at Robben Island. Though he was imprisoned in a remote island where his family was rarely allowed to visit; though the white government did it’s best to frustrate him and his family. Though he lost his mother and his first born son while in prison and was not allowed to bury them, this man never gave up. He walked the talk, he ran the race and he won the prize.

His life has served as an example for many of us that in this life, there are not only good things but also bad things to come. In his life we see that it is not always clear which course of action is right to take until the consequences start to show. His hardships show that indeed there is such a thing as the greater good.

In our own lives we grow up differently. Some grow up being picked on by others in school, others grow up as bullies and still others grow up as faces in the crowd. Some learn to take criticism positively in the early years of their lives. Others learn this later, sadly, some never do. Those especially that are pampered as children never quite learn to deal with the pressures of life.

Life comes in many tastes, flavours and colours. For some people life will be hard from the beginning. For many, life starts out easy then grows steadily more difficult. Learning to lose early teaches us the value of patience and renewed effort. The games we learn as children teach us critical life lessons in a very simple and fun way. Lessons like teamwork, and life values such as winning and losing, allowing others to win.

It’s not so easy to stick to these values when we are older, when letting the other person get the credit might mean that they get that promotion that you’ve been eyeing eagerly for over a year. It’s also not that easy to work as a team when your work as part of a team is not appreciated and your job depends on it. Life would be easy if that is all we had to worry about but there are other things as well.

Growing up, we have many friends surrounding us. We generally only lose true friends when their families move away and we lose touch. However, as adults we lose friends just by getting busy. This is a big blow in life because friends are our support system. They are the ones that give us a chance to relax and relieve the deep stress that sometimes haunts us at work. Ever had a boss shout at you? Ever had your salary delayed? Ever been berated like a child in front of your juniors? Having friends allows us to absorb the shocks of life as they come. However, there is a time in everyone’s life when they must stand alone.

Your friends can’t always deal with your drama. They won’t always be there to hold your hand and listen. They won’t always have a shoulder for you to lean on when you are not strong. Sometimes they too have their own battles to fight. In your life it may come to a time when you need to stand alone for a period much longer than you were originally prepared to face. Disaster strikes in the most unexpected ways. Your wife dies when you are still young, or perhaps it is your first child – how can anyone help you to deal with this? They can sympathize but they can’t really understand what you are going through or share your pain.

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy

- Proverbs 14:10 (NIV)

We must therefore strive to emulate those who have gone before us and succeeded. We must live not necessarily as they have lived, but following the principles that they lived by. This one principle no one can teach you. You do not learn it in childhood games, or through initiation rites. This principle can only be learned by experience. Stand alone and stand strong, for if you do not give up, you too will one day raise up your fist in victory and grandeur.