THE FRIENDZONE

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion,
enmity, worship, love, but no friendship

                                                         - Oscar Wilde

Hello my good friends. Enjoying the holidays? I sure hope so. Today I want to talk to you about this very finicky issue called "The Friendzone". This is a dreaded word for men, mostly because it is the mental and emotional emasculation of a man. To friendzone a man is to tell him in not so many words that he is not good enough for you. It is to entomb him in the dust of his own unworthiness. Men have nothing but hatred for the friendzone. Any man who loves the friendzone is probably too scared to go after what he loves.

Lets start from the bottom. How does the friendzone start. What happens at the very beginning that binds a man in the iron chains of the friendzone? Why oh why, man, is it that every girl you start to like, ends up putting you in the inescapable prison so rightly dubbed the friendzone? Is it that girls don't know what is good for them? Or could it be that you just don't have what it takes to be the man the ladies want? 

"What do you mean by that? I am a nice guy but i don't let people walk all over me," you say. "Oh I've got what it takes, she just can't see it yet!" Really? I'm curious. When you first met, how did you react. Were you polite, rude, gentlemanly? Did you stare? Did you keep smiling at her? Come on, don't hold out on me. Did you spend more time with her than with anyone else? Wait, don't tell me...you asked for her number. 

No, well good for you, maybe she was never interested. If yes well maybe now you know why you are in the friendzone. What's that? You still don't get it? Ok, maybe I can demystify this little conundrum for you. Suppose you meet a girl at a social gathering. She's nice, well dressed and quite good looking. But whenever you meet in a group she starts to laugh at everything you say even if its not funny. At other times she laughs harder than usual and at some point its almost like she's forcing the laughter. She keeps staring into your eyes and she gets nervous whenever you address her. At the end of the night she finds you alone and whispers that she likes you and looks up at you expectantly. If you are a man and you are weird you just might say yes that you like her too. Most men however will spend a great deal of time and effort avoiding this girl. Why?

Well the obvious reason is she seems desperate. Desperation in turn makes her odd. That is exactly how you seem when you start to do some things. Like when you are too nice to her even though you barely know her. Like when you start acting like she's your girl when she shows you a little affection. Like when you ask for her number after only meeting her once. Like when you spend most of your time around her like you have nothing else to do. Nobody likes to be seen as weird and being with a weird person does make you weird.

As a man, you rarely notice when you are being weird around a girl. You talk a lot, you smile a lot. You try to defend her even from the simplest jokes which perhaps offend you but do not offend her. You are too courteous to her. However, to everyone else its plain to see. It makes you look awkward and naive. Couple this with shyness and it makes you unbearable. As a man, you shouldn't let this happen if you can help it.

So what should you do to navigate this scylla and charybdis. After all, if you act over confident you may turn her off but if you act timid, you get friendzoned altogether. Well its quite simple just be confident. "I am a confident person," you say. Well maybe you are, but there are things that might have you pegged for a shy nice guy such as the things I've just mentioned above. Being confident does not mean that you should be arrogant. There are many who confuse arrogance for boldness, not so. That quiet, calm self-assured manner in which you carry yourself should be more than enough to send the message which you so desperately wish to send. After all, why should she be the catch? Why can't you be the catch.

Maybe my article isn't making sense to you yet or maybe it does but my advice may so far seem a bit far fetched even impractical. Well let me take it further. Most men get friendzoned at some point in life so don't get discouraged. Don't throw in the towel and start to make a pity party just because its been years and you still aren't dating or making it past the friendzone. Even the most refined men of our society have been in your shoes, maybe for a much shorter time but still, they all had the phase.

First of all, you need honest friends. Friends who tell you like it is without sugar coating anything. Don't get me wrong, not friends who put you down but friends who get real with you when things like rejection and friendzones happen to you. Friends who are not afraid to tell you that they think maybe your new girl just wants a good time and that she doesn't really like you. Friends who are willing to admit to you that once upon a time they had a weak moment too. Friends who will look you straight in the eye and tell you that the girl of your dreams might not be who she seems. These friends will teach you to be confident, to be really you no matter who you are around. To not try to hide the person that you are. These friends will teach you how to disguise or perhaps even alter your roguish qualities. For no man can see his own faults, we all need to be shown the way sometimes.

Secondly, you need to start valuing yourself a little more. You probably wouldn't be too nice to that debutante if you didn't think that she was in some way better than you would you. Now hold on here, I don't mean that you should look down upon people, in fact I discourage it. I mean stop approaching a woman that you barely know like she's so special all of a sudden. Just treat her like a regular girl. In that way you show to her and to others that you've met others like her, you've been around and but yet in some way find her interesting. Speak like you know what you are talking about, don't be cocky, don't exaggerate but know your stuff.

Thirdly don't shower her with too much attention. A woman knows when you are interested but everything in love and seduction depends on suggestion, little, subtle hints. I have said it before and I will say it again, winning a woman's affection is like conquering a citadel. Have you heard of a general who beats a city by making known his plans to overcome the city? In the same way, you must be like the general who is only known by the citadel he has ravaged. Everyone likes to be seduced, especially women. Show her a little charm this time, act indifferently at other times, then maybe confide in her as a friend, just a little...set up ambiguous signals. Whatever you do, don't make your intentions clear unless you wish to forfeit your chance with her. In time she will sense that you are playing a game, this will only make you more attractive to her. For sometimes anything is more desirable than the boredom of security.

Lastly don't wait for too long to make your move. Find a way to let her know that you are interested in her. Not too subtle; your move must be a gallant one or it will be seen as cowardly. Don't wait months, don't stalk her, don't give her hints on facebook like sending funny pictures. Whether you use social media or prefer the good old fashioned mano a mano thing, it doesn't matter. Just be confident when you do make your move.

There's not a lot of things to remember when you like a girl, just remember to be confident and be yourself. Everything else will work itself out. Don't be afraid to be rejected, but leave the friendzone to those who are too scared to chase after what they want.