"...I'm sorry, I can't be perfect..." So goes the song Perfect by Simple Plan, a famous North American rock band. The song features teens trying to let out the pressure they feel and eventually realizing that they cannot keep their pain in any longer. This is a more-often-than-not experience for parents raising teenagers especially in this day and age. But is this problem really limited to teenagers? Or does it affect people even in their older ages but they learn to hide it?
Take Mary for example, a once upon a time teenager who desperately wanted to become a lawyer but who through sheer coercion or as some might call it, "heavy parental influence" changed her university course to Bachelors in Commerce. Now Mary spends her days in class day dreaming of what might have been. Meet Drusilla, a quiet but social young girl who likes to go out sometimes, but mostly likes hanging out with friends. Once upon a time, she wanted to do art. She even picked out an art school straight out of high school. Her parents however, did not think that art was something she could make a living out of, and instead pressured her to do Applied Statistics. Halfway through the course, Drusilla decides she has had enough, packs up her bags and heads back home. Shocked and disbelieving, her parents inquire why the sudden change of heart.
Sadly, this is a picture that is rapidly forming in our society. Our young men and women are no longer in school for the passion of learning, they are in school to fulfill their parents' wishes, a most discouraging factor that even the keenest of parents, sadly, do not seem to notice. Not too long ago, education was a privilege that only the wealthier bunch were entitled to. Going to school was considered to be a fashionable lifestyle, though it was not always as much fun as you may be led to believe. But back then, students were paid to study in University. Those of us who are not privileged to have seen the era are informed that this funding was called the "Boom". Being in the university was luxurious those days but even more importantly, in those days, there were fewer courses to choose from, and parents did not know much about these courses; therefore few of them would even know what courses their children did in university. This environment though tough for some, was beneficial for most because they got to choose what they felt they desired.
In this day and age, students in university have so much to choose from. It sometimes gets confusing for the students who only know what they were good at in high school and not how that relates to the myriad of courses presented in the university prospectus. Parents lovingly try to help their children by advising them favourably towards some courses and disfavourably to other courses that they feel are not suitable for their children. The act is very admirable, however, therein lies the crucial mistake that most parents do.
While it is very good to help your child decide what career might be best for them, most parents do not realize that it is best to let their children make the final decision as to what they would like to do. A crucial factor that parents forget is that children also need motivation to succeed and that motivation comes from the joy of pursuing a career of interest. Forcing a child to do a course that they would not like to do might work initially, but in the end it may be pure torture to the child.
Hundreds of students drop out of campus every year and end up either changing courses or forgetting about their campus studies altogether. Many of them when asked respond that they believe they are not doing what they would like to spend the rest of their lives doing. Of course there are many other reasons why students drop out at the campus level. Some get pregnant, others lack tuition fees, still others become indisciplined and turn to drugs, while others just don't like the education set up. There are many reasons why students at the campus level drop out but the chief reason why students who were apparently SMART at other levels of education, suddenly drop out of campus, is because they feel they are doing "their parents' course". So why parents, do you want to push your child to do a course that you think befits them when your own parents did not do the same to you? A suitable analogy to what your children go through when you do this to them is; Having a boss who defines exactly how, what, where and when you do the work he assigns you. Its like having your boss tell you exactly how you should spend your time, according to his desires.
I mean no disrespect, I know you love your children and you want them to be more successful than you ever were, but if you love them and you want them to succeed, let them choose their own destiny. The strange thing is, once you counsel your child without pushing them, they will pick a course they like and even if they later feel the need to change that course, they will not lose hope easily, they will endeavour with all their might to be the best at what they do. Even "troublesome" kids when left to choose their own careers will suddenly change and reform as if transformed by some magical power.
This is how the Boom funding allowed university students in those days to choose the courses they desired. Back then, if children disagreed with their parents on the courses they desired, they could afford to pay for the courses they desired using the Boom funding. Who will our children turn to, if their own parents will not give them the keys to unlock their destinies? You may think your children see things the way you do, but when you see these problems affecting your children, know that they tried to hide the pain rather than deal with it.
